Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Nerds' Wives Rule Too. - OR - Nerds' Wives Rule Too!

I don't know if you know this, but selling off hundreds of cards to pay for a family vacation is a lot of work.  Sure, Cory gets major kudos for being willing to part with his beloved collection, but I should also get points for doing the ground work.  In essence, I am turning into the ebay master.  The Ebay Master!  (Do you see the difference there?  First I said I was the ebay master.  Period.  Then I said I was the Ebay Master!  Exclamation point.  Doesn't the 2nd one sound better?  Like we're ALL having fun now.  You'll see in paragraph 3 how this is relevant.)  I have my own cubicle and everything.  I'm waiting for my cape, but in the meantime I'm making do with sweats and fuzzy slippers.  Just you watch, it will be all the rage at Halloween.

We've narrowed it down to a routine - Cory researches the value of the card, then I list it, keep tabs on the auction, and ship it to the highest bidder.  See how I just made it sound like Cory does one thing and I do three?  Don't be deceived, because you may recall that he is a CPA so when I say that he, "researches the value of the card" it means that he looks up the reseller purchase price, compares it to the market value, calculates the difference and formulates it all into a spreadsheet.  This, he can do.  It's Valentine's Day that he struggles with.  Speaking of Valentine's Day I gave Cory his gift a little early last week when I commented on one of the auctions.  "Did you see that Nether Void is up to $84?" I asked him when he walked in the door.  Then, shocked by my own words I steadied myself, looked up at him and said, "Have you ever been more attracted to me?"  I imagine it would be similar to Cory nudging me awake after a nap and saying, "Would you like some chocolate molten lava cake with vanilla bean gelato and caramel sauce?" followed by, "Are you always this pretty?"  This is why imagination is so important, kids.  

Nevertheless, I will admit there was a bit of an adjustment period because I am using Cory's already established ebay account, so I'm kind of trying to pretend I'm him.  Not only that, but I have to pretend that I speak this other language that includes words like "Tolarian Academy", "Earthcraft" and "Mox Opal" (just to name a few).  I'm trying to sound legit but let's be real here people, I am a stay at home mom who watches excess amounts of HGTV, appreciates the comeback of the color gray and understands that to love Pinterest is to love burlap.  I don't know how to communicate with boys who don't capitalize their sentences or use punctuation.  After a few encounters I asked Cory his opinion while responding to a query.  I wanted to sound friendly and accommodating, so I answered this guy's question and ended it with an exclamation point.  "Does this sound like something you would say?" Cory peered over my shoulder as I sat at the computer and the following conversation ensued.

"What's with the exclamation point?"
"It's supposed to make me seem nice."
"You're making me sound like a GIRL."
"So you just want me to end it with a period?  That seems so...cold."
[Cory shakes his head.] 
"I mean, really," I defended.  "This is a good card!  He should be excited about it!"
"You're lame."
Ok fine, Cory didn't say I was lame.  Not with his words anyway, but his body language was screaming, "You are a lame spice, lame nugget, lame-a-licious lamehead." 

Robots Periods it is.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Nerds Rule

I was born the 5th of seven children, so when I hopped in a car and left my home of 18 years to go to college my mom was like, "Peace out" and waved at me from the driveway until we were out of sight.  I pretty much love(d) that about my mom, because it allowed me to move forward and go live my life without feeling guilt that it was somehow causing her unhappiness.  How could it?  She was probably too busy throwing a party that the last of the estrogen producing spawn had left the building.  Besides, she had a retaining wall to build and whole wheat chocolate chip cookie bars to make.

I would like to say I learned from her, but I would also like to say I can do a pull-up.  You can't have everything.   And this is where it gets touchy, because I only have two children and one daughter; one daughter who just wrapped up 1st semester finals of her junior year in high school which means she only has a little over a year in this house and it is only causing me shortness of breath and "HOLY CRAP WE'VE NEVER TAKEN HER TO THE GRAND CANYON!" moments about 7 times a day.  It's not like I haven't known this, it's just that it's practically HERE!  I've got about 16 months to have her read Reviving Ophelia, get her those self defense classes, teach her how to budget and show her how to identify irregular moles and that's all before I've even attempted to teach her the art of a good buttercream.  That's a lot of pressure.

The other day I was thinking I would like to do some type of major family trip before she leaves our nest, so I started to casually browse the internet for possibilities.  As I narrowed down what I wanted to do, I looked at all my options - Fall Break in October, Winter Break in December, Spring Break of next year - none of them worked out.  I spent two weeks searching what to do and suddenly realized that if we were going to be able to make this happen it would have to be this summer.  This summer!  It wasn't as much time as I had hoped to have in order to save money so we could, you know, pay for it and stuff.

That's where Cory comes in because as I've mentioned before, Cory kinda has a unique hobby.  It's the kind of thing where he can sell off some of his stuff and make a profit (not that kind of stuff!) except this time, instead of using it to pay for a set of golf clubs he's willing to part with enough of his cards that we should be able to pay for the whole trip.  I gotta hand it to him, I've never had a hobby this lucrative.  I mean, I'm sure that the hundreds of dollars of unused scrapbooking crap in my basement is someone's treasure.  I don't know who that someone is but I bet they have a cow themed kitchen and still think gingham is all the rage.  In the meantime, Cory is the winner.  The one stipulation is that we can't tease him anymore and from now on we will have to refer to this summer extravaganza as The Trip That Magic Bought.  It seems kinda hard right now but as soon as I'm sitting on a beach drinking a pina colada and watching the kids frolic in the waves, it will slide right off my tongue.  The Trip That Magic Bought.

Nerds Rule.