There was a time when I was highly entertained by Dr. Phil. There's just not a lot of people who can say stuff like, "Happier than a dog with two peters" and then walk out the door with a check for a million dollars for that week's work. I have to respect that, seeing as that's MY plan for getting rich. But I got tired, and his guests got weird, and I'm SOSICKANDTIRED of him and his wife using themselves as examples of how to do things right.
"Robin, how on earth did you lose that last five pounds?"
"I stopped eating Hot Tamales."
"Dr. Phil, how on earth did you raise such nice boys?"
"Don't ask me, I'm a workaholic."
"WELL, we don't allow burping at the dinner table."
"So what you're saying is, your sons are no fun at a party?"
"How did your lame book sell so many copies?"
"Funny story. I married a bald man who got his own TV show."
ANYway. After years without Dr. Phil echoing throughout my living room, I got caught up in an episode yesterday. It was about two teenage boys with very bad habits so they decided to do an intervention by sending the boys to the San Quentin Penitentiary as a wake up call to say, "Dudes, this is where you're headed if you don't cut it out." Field Trip! Remember to pack a sack lunch! P.S. No forks or spoons. So at one point the boys were getting a tour of the cells, and as they came out they were confronted by a cell mate exiting from an adjacent room. He was a black guy, and the kid was white. The black guy got in his face and said, "You're lucky there's cameras and police around here, because if this was just you and me, I'd have you for lunch. Black people and white people don't get along in prison."
He laughed when the kid said he had black friends at home, and went on to educate him about life in prison, and how it "ain't the same", and laughed at him some more when the white kid called him "Dude". They pointed out different sections of the outside areas - one for hispanics, one for whites, and one for blacks. Which got me thinking, if Michael Jackson ever goes to prison, who will decide what section he sits in? I could see that black guy getting in Michael's face and being all, "Skin condition my %@#!" and threatening to eat him for dessert after having the other guy for lunch. And then I bet Michael would try to get out of it by starting to dance and sing, "Because I'm BAD, I'm BAD, really really BAD..." but then I bet that guy would educate Michael about how dancing and singing might be popular out "there", but "it ain't the same in prison." And then I'm really hoping Michael would leave out his signature pelvic thrust because come on, his life would be soooooo over after that.