Tuesday, September 18, 2007

What I Know For Sure - Volume I

"I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become."
Oprah Winfrey

I subscribe to the Oprah Magazine, and in the back of her magazine every month she concludes with a section she calls: "What I Know For Sure". The tone is normally introspective and thoughtful, such as the quote I listed at the top of this post. I've decided that Oprah Winfrey is not the only one who knows so much, and so not to be outdone by one who makes more money than I can fathom I have created my own list. So here it goes: my first Top 10 List of WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE:

1. Ben and Jerry’s was made for PMS and cats were made for…other people
2. There’s a book called “Chicken Soup for the Scrapbooker’s Soul” and while I generally enjoy the chicken soup collection, and I’ve actually been known to scrapbook, this book is crossing the line
3. I don’t ever want 1-877-POOP-GUY to be my contact phone number or “The Pooper Scooper” to be my tag line. I don’t care how desperate I am for work.
4. Anyone who says we are all created equal has never met Richard Simmons or seen the balance in Bill Gates’ bank account
5. Pierce Brosnan is aging well
6. Animal puppets as part of a marketing strategy should be punishable by death (so help me if I could reach through my television and grab that little Bar None dog by the neck I would scare children everywhere, but it would be worth it)
7. Cory is a great kisser
8. People with cell phones in a bookstore discussing their therapy session with their friend while perusing the self-help section should use better judgment, because people like me reading up on the Photography literature are listening. Intently.
9. There’s no longer such a thing as a store without a frequent buyer card. Even my pharmacy issued me one the other day. Do liquor stores have them too? Because I don’t think anyone should be rewarded for drinking too much, or at all for that matter. I guess I don’t know for sure about that one.
10. Cleaning the bathroom by flashlight is even less effective than you might think.

9 comments:

JustRandi said...

Now see, every one of those is a blog post in and of itself!
Start with #8, and then do #10!

Kerri said...

And why were you cleaning your bathroom with only a flashlight?
Love your list, btw.

Anonymous said...

#11 Life without blogs would be so boring! Thanks for the laugh!
Ginger

Paige said...

And here's one...Whoever said you could use peanut butter to get gum out of a child's hair was just waiting for someone to try it so they could laugh and laugh.

Anonymous said...

That was waaaaay tooooo much info about my brother. Ugh! It's almost as bad as thinking about your parents. To me he will always be the one who layed under my bed at night and reached his hand up to grab me and make me pee my pants. He will only be a brother and not a dad or a husband. :)

boliver

Heather said...

The list is fascinating, I agree with Randi... expounding could be fun.

Carly said...

You are so freakin' clever, lady! Umm...can I steal your brain for my Writing Communication's class? That would be great.


Oh, and I wish I didn't know that much info. about Cory. Thanks.

kristy said...

I had no idea that mentioning Cory's ability to lock lips would cause such an upheaval! What, you think I would have married a BAD kisser?

Rachel said...

that whole blog is just classic