Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Maslow's Hierarchy Of Christmas Card Needs

If Maslow were still around, I think he would have a separate hierarchy of needs for Christmas cards, and I believe it would go as follows:

First, there is the basic essential human need for a Christmas card. This is the basest of all cards, consisting of the pre-printed greeting and a signed name. Not ideal, but still better than bills and craft store coupons.

Next we have the card with the letter but no pictures. While not including a picture is disappointing, points are gained if the letter is funny. Points are lost if you talk too much about your 3-year-old speaking multiple foreign languages or mastering long division, but are regained if you share a story about them saying/doing something embarrassing in public. Any points gained by including a letter are immediately revoked if you write more than 2 pages. And really, if you write that much it had better be good.

Level 3 involves a card, and a letter, AND a picture. You are approaching perfection in the Christmas card world, but lose credibility if the picture is only of your kids. I don't care how cute you think they are, they're usually not all that. But major points for including all three card elements. However, when pictures and letter are included, actual card loses some significance and may not be necessary. Again, any points lost can be regained if you bring the funny.

Finally, self-actualization on the Christmas card pyramid. This is achieved with or without a card, but most definitely includes a letter of some sort which must consist of at least one self-deprecating reference and zero mention of your pets. Critical at this level is the photo that includes a picture of everyone in the family regardless of weight gain or hair loss. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to solicit a Photoshop tutorial on "How to shave off 30 pounds from your Christmas card photo."

16 comments:

JustRandi said...

Great. I don't even make it to level 1.
What does it say about me if I only do Christmas cards about every 3rd year?

Anonymous said...

Kristy, You are right, this is one of your best posts. I'm striving to get out a level 3 card this year. You will enjoy my first paragraph of above mentioned card. By the way I still have on my fridge a picture of your kids at the beach which did not include you or my brother. So that year your level 3 lost some credibility. But you scored an all time high when you put the picture of Carlos as Napoleon Dynamite. That one is priceless and is still on my fridge. I believe we were there when that picture was taken. Oh ya that was when Cory scared my kids by wearing the costume for the first time they see him in 3 years.

Can't wait for your letter

Boliver

ganelle said...

Did you write this post or Cory - the man who hangs Christmas cards upside-down if they don't include a picture of the whole family?

Anonymous said...

I like to hang the cards on hall closet for all to see when they come. Cards with only pictures of the kids get taped upside down on the bottom right where they are difficult to see. Who wants to see a picture of some kid. I want to see my old college roommate for crying out loud. This year I am ranking the cards with a top 5. The top 5 will go in order at the top left. Which card get the #1 ranking? Boliver, for the record we sent two pictures that year, you must have just tossed the one of the balding brother and his beautiful wife.
Sir Cooper

ginger said...

OK, as the first one to send out a card I think we deserve major points! I don't think we deserved the bottom left hand corner upside down!!! First of all this was our first year with Bailee, and I think that that a bigger picture of her is much better than some millispeck picture of the family, and no one being able to see the new little one! I think I deserve at least a level 4 and some respect!!!

"Vern" said...

i'm considering a new tagline for this blog - how about "bringing out the best in people, one post at a time"?

"Vern" said...

Oh, and honey? Boliver's right - there was one year where we only sent a pic of the kids on the beach. You fought me the whole way, but I won out, as I am the one who does everything to make Christmas cards happen. Aaaaand, it was kind of a chubby year for me.

ginger said...

OK, you know I'm not really upset right? OK not really a lot upset :-)

Anonymous said...

Cory, as Travis can attest I am usually right. It's a really cute picture of Samantha hugging Drew. Kristy, I am disgusted to say this, but you are always gorgeous. Even when you fist wake up in the morning your pretty. So there's no reason not to send out a picture of you and Cory.
Boliver

Anonymous said...

Pretty funny stuff Kris...are you sure you're not a chief?

Brother Mike

Dawn said...

I feel successful on the level of being downright Martha Stewart-ish, if I get signed cards out every 2-3 years! Buy them one year, send them the next is my current pattern!

But I want to refer to your blog of a few days ago - about hating Christmas. Kira and I have frequently consoled each other with mutual grinch-like comments about the demands of Christmas, and how we could live without it! But your performance last year - remember the 12 days of Christmas? - that was masterful, and I have admired your Christmas-ness ever since. I think of you as Mrs. Christmas! Glad to know it's not all chocolate covered cherries and bon-bons.

"Vern" said...

boliver: you are officially my favorite sister-in-law EVER!

Cannons said...

WOW! You have just said how everyone feels but is afraid to say so. Of course, mine fall short of the photo because I'm cheap and it's the same one you helped me pick out at "Mikal Gamber". I'll send you one in a year or two. It may even be on the web page.
~Lorie

Pauly said...

So if I understand correctly, our annual missive is the one all others should emulate?

"Vern" said...

Pauly: Cory's anxiously waiting to put you in the "Top 5"!

Vanessa said...

What category is the card that is actually physically sent to 50 people and the other 60 receive "email cards" picture and letter included, I just was too cheap to spend the extra buck per person. I mean come on, my list had 120 people on it, and according to my calculations, the cost of postage and extra cards was equivalent to a pair of shoes.