Saturday, January 9, 2010

If You Guessed "A"...

...you were wrong. Gross! How stupid do you think I am? Let's not answer that for now. Actually, the majority were correct in guessing "B" - I burned my forehead while talking on the phone. It's sad because it means my kids are right; I am on the phone ALL THE TIME. I haven't figured out exactly why that is other than to dream that I am so much fun that people just want to hear my voice on a daily basis. (Reality check: NOT.) So it kind of begs the question, who am I talking to all the time?

Mom and Dad: Just yesterday I called my parents to tell my Dad that I was visiting with someone new at church and we found out that her husband and my Dad taught in the same school district for decades, and did my dad know the guy who just died? In fact, he did! Is it wrong to use an exclamation point there? I'm not excited that the guy died, just surprised at how small this world can be sometimes.

Siblings: I talk to both of my sisters regularly. We discuss what kind of bread has the fewest Weight Watchers points, which kid we like the best (kidding!), how old Robert Redford looks these days, and who has the nicest house of all the Real Housewives (not really, but it's Vicki - the nicest house goes to the biggest wench - shameful that I know anything about this). I talk to my brothers less frequently, but I have one who calls regularly and every phone call from him is like investing in laughter therapy. Another one called recently during my hysterectomy recovery to tell me that he had kidney stones. We swapped morphine stories and prayed each night that the other might experience relief soon. Awesome.

Friends: Sometimes we call with unfolding tales of drama in our lives, other times we call to share mind numbing realities. Like when my friend recently phoned after she moved away to say that she had discovered something like 9 gnomes in her yard from the previous owners. "Who does that?" is a question that frequently gets tossed around.

My OBGYN: Hey doc? Why am I infecting all the time now in all things and in all places as I strive to live? And whatever happened to your wife who used to work here? And how did you end up having another child in your 50's?

The radio station: I try to win stuff occasionally. I am not as cool as my friend Paige who has won freakin' Disney cruises for her family of 6 and limousine rides, but I've been known to win a free dinner or two. Hi Dom and Jane! Did you get my Christmas card?

So yes, the other morning I was getting ready to go somewhere when the phone rang. I only had a few minutes before I needed to leave and I still needed to straighten my hair with my flatiron. I debated.
Don't answer it.
But what if it's George asking me out for the premiere of his new movie?
*ring*ring*
Don't answer it.
But what if it's Bill Gates calling me back to tell me he's donating to my "No Chocolate Left Behind" charity?
*ring*ring*
Don't answer it!
Oh! I bet it's Matthew calling back to tell me when he can come over to rub this kink out of my neck. It's been KILLING me!
[picking up the phone] "Hello?"
[It's my friend.] "Do you know what I HATE?"
"Finding 4 foot crafted easter bunnies in your basement, having an ice cream store that closes at 4pm in your small town, your kids raising chickens at their new school, and that New Kids On The Block broke up?"
"Yes, but you know what ELSE?"

And that's how I burned my head trying to straighten my hair one handed.

13 comments:

Kelly said...

Great post! So sorry about your head. That, and the new kids breaking up.

jksfam said...

Caller ID? Speaker phone? And sorry that I guessed "A"...

I still haven't found a picture. I'm so bummed!!! It was fun to talk, though! I hope you don't get a scar or anything, either!

Kerri said...

I'm so bummed it wasn't my guess which seemed such a strong possibility to me.....

Vern said...

sorry kerri - you were SO CLOSE!

Paige said...

I WISH I had won freaking Disney cruises for my family. Not quite. DisneyLAND, my dear.

Vern said...

Paige: Whatever!

Heather said...

robert redford? wow.

Ann said...

So about your OBGYN – his wife is no longer around for two possible reasons; she was at home having a baby, making him a dad again in his 50 or someone else was home having his baby making him a dad again in his 50. Either way, the wife is out of there!

rocslinger said...

I really shouldn't laugh at your misery but than I know you would laugh at me, and deservedly so.

Soooo, haw haw haw haw haw haw and haw

Just remember you made me laugh and I hope you heal quick and have learned your lesson.

Mom of Three said...

This looks like a whole lot of fun that I missed! Sorry you burnt your head. You need to get speaker phone :)

ganelle said...

Even though it wasn't me you were talking to, we may have to insist on a NO phone calls while handling HOT objects rule.

Nah.

Jill said...

Do you know what I hate? When I feel slightly guilty for you burning your head.

Mortensen Baby Farm said...

You need pills!