As has been previously established, I am a sucker for brain candy movies. I’m sorta too dumb to follow really complicated plots so I stick with the nice, sweet and predictable ones. I like to see people kiss in the rain, get proposed to in train stations, and fall in love under twinkly lights (Edward’s diamond skin doesn’t count). Above all, my most important movie criteria are eye candy and a happy ending. Which is to say that I would have enjoyed 2001’s Kate & Leopold a lot more if not for Meg Ryan’s overdone lip injections and straw locks that appeared to have recently arm wrestled with a weed whacker but alas, I still had Hugh Jackman. And even though Ms. Ryan’s career jumped the shark in this romantic comedy, Hugh walked around in double breasted coats with gold buttons and made toast while talking in his British accent which was, sadly, enough for me.
Nicholas Sparks is a romance novelist who seems to get a lot of movies made from his books. The problem is, I don’t really trust him. Sure, he gave us The Notebook where one of the main characters reads to his dementia-ridden wife every day and gets her to fall in love with him every time she wakes up in the nursing home, but he also gave us A Walk To Remember. You know, the one where the good preacher’s daughter falls in love with the school’s bad boy, and the bad boy turns good because of her, and then she dies of leukemia? Some might appreciate the unpredictable nature of this ending. I say, this ending sucketh. What’s so great about remembering a nice walk if she’s DEAD?! If I wanted to watch somebody die I would just rent The Fugitive, watch the first 5 minutes and save myself the other hour and a half. Not to mention Nicholas gave us The Last Song (father dies), Message In A Bottle (Kevin Costner's character dies at sea AT THE VERY END, RIGHT AFTER HE AND THE PRINCESS BRIDE FINALLY GET TOGETHER), and Dear John (competing love interest dies while woman's true love is away at war). So you see why I'm leery.
Nevertheless, see paragraph one of this post wherein I use the word “sucker”. Nicholas Sparks has another book being made into a movie that comes out soon called The Vow. I haven’t read the book so I don’t know the full story (and if you do DON’T TELL ME) but here’s what I’ve gathered from the trailer: The premise is that Channing Tatum’s character is married to Rachel McAdams character, they get in an accident, and the Rachel McAdams character gets amnesia and loses all memories surrounding their relationship/marriage. My problem is that I fail to see the dilemma. I mean, if you basically fell asleep and woke up to discover that you were married to Channing Tatum, would you be eager to challenge that? I think the proper response would be to say, “Nurse? I’m feeling much better now. How’s about you slip me a little bottle of Vicodin and I let this nice boy take me home?”
That’s what worries me though, the fact that I don’t see the dilemma. I am very much looking forward to this movie – I will probably go by myself in the middle of the day and sit in the middle of the row, 2/3 of the way back with all the other middle aged women with no lives. But so help me, if someone dies and these two don’t end up back together in the end, for real, as in NO DYING OF ANY KIND MR. SPARKS ARE YOU LISTENING?! I will be very upset. Channing, I will see you soon in the theaters.
Rachel, I am also looking forward to witnessing you and your beauty mark fall for Channing all over again. Don’t let me down, GO TO HIM. It’s the right thing to do.