Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Vow


As has been previously established, I am a sucker for brain candy movies.  I’m sorta too dumb to follow really complicated plots so I stick with the nice, sweet and predictable ones.  I like to see people kiss in the rain, get proposed to in train stations, and fall in love under twinkly lights (Edward’s diamond skin doesn’t count).  Above all, my most important movie criteria are eye candy and a happy ending.  Which is to say that I would have enjoyed 2001’s Kate & Leopold a lot more if not for Meg Ryan’s overdone lip injections and straw locks that appeared to have recently arm wrestled with a weed whacker but alas, I still had Hugh Jackman.  And even though Ms. Ryan’s career jumped the shark in this romantic comedy, Hugh walked around in double breasted coats with gold buttons and made toast while talking in his British accent which was, sadly, enough for me.

Nicholas Sparks is a romance novelist who seems to get a lot of movies made from his books.  The problem is, I don’t really trust him.  Sure, he gave us The Notebook where one of the main characters reads to his dementia-ridden wife every day and gets her to fall in love with him every time she wakes up in the nursing home, but he also gave us A Walk To Remember.  You know, the one where the good preacher’s daughter falls in love with the school’s bad boy, and the bad boy turns good because of her, and then she dies of leukemia?  Some might appreciate the unpredictable nature of this ending.  I say, this ending sucketh.  What’s so great about remembering a nice walk if she’s DEAD?!  If I wanted to watch somebody die I would just rent The Fugitive, watch the first 5 minutes and save myself the other hour and a half.  Not to mention Nicholas gave us The Last Song (father dies), Message In A Bottle (Kevin Costner's character dies at sea AT THE VERY END, RIGHT AFTER HE AND THE PRINCESS BRIDE FINALLY GET TOGETHER), and Dear John (competing love interest dies while woman's true love is away at war).  So you see why I'm leery.

Nevertheless, see paragraph one of this post wherein I use the word “sucker”.  Nicholas Sparks has another book being made into a movie that comes out soon called The Vow.  I haven’t read the book so I don’t know the full story (and if you do DON’T TELL ME) but here’s what I’ve gathered from the trailer:  The premise is that Channing Tatum’s character is married to Rachel McAdams character, they get in an accident, and the Rachel McAdams character gets amnesia and loses all memories surrounding their relationship/marriage.  My problem is that I fail to see the dilemma.  I mean, if you basically fell asleep and woke up to discover that you were married to Channing Tatum, would you be eager to challenge that?  I think the proper response would be to say, “Nurse?  I’m feeling much better now.  How’s about you slip me a little bottle of Vicodin and I let this nice boy take me home?”   

That’s what worries me though, the fact that I don’t see the dilemma.  I am very much looking forward to this movie – I will probably go by myself in the middle of the day and sit in the middle of the row, 2/3 of the way back with all the other middle aged women with no lives.  But so help me, if someone dies and these two don’t end up back together in the end, for real, as in NO DYING OF ANY KIND MR. SPARKS ARE YOU LISTENING?!  I will be very upset.  Channing, I will see you soon in the theaters.

Rachel, I am also looking forward to witnessing you and your beauty mark fall for Channing all over again.  Don’t let me down, GO TO HIM.  It’s the right thing to do.


20 comments:

Kristina P. said...

So, The Notebook is pretty much the worst movie ever, but I am obsessed with it. I can't not watch it when it's on TV, which is ALL THE TIME.

Stefani said...

I agree with you whole heartedly -- on everything!!!

Emily Foley said...

Nicholas Sparks kills me. And every good character he's ever written. If someone in this movie dies, so help me, it's OVER between us.

Jenn said...

Couldn't agree more. If someone dies I will never trust him again....ever!! The first time I ever read a happy ending book of his I then went on to read the sequel and surprise surprise someone died! ugh. It better be happily ever after!

Lani Wendt Young said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. You rocketh. And I am so with you on the endings that sucketh. I'm all for fluff feel-good chick flicks and people dying is NOT fluff feel-good material. Ever.
And I am so so so with you on Channing as the perfect cure for my amnesia. "My beloved husband? Yes! of course you are!"

Rachey said...

Okay, I'm just putting this out there in the hope that I will find someone else here who agrees with me. I do not find Channing attractive in any way whatsoever and the hype about him is completely lost on me! Is anyone else with me on this? I feel the same way about Robert Pattinson, cute in Harry Potter, not in Twilight.

That said, I do love some good brain candy now and then.

Boulter trouble said...

I get it. I totally get it.
It's the same reason why I broke up with Jodi Piccoult. It gets tiring to fall in love with characters that are tortured with disease or misfortune and then.....die.
But, I may see this one cuz I love Rachel McAdams. However, I vow (get it?) to wait for your review. :)

[Stacia] said...

I may have good news for you... from what I could find (while searching for the book online) this is not a Nicholas sparks book.It's a true story and I think it has a happy ending. :)

laurie said...

I read somewhere that in all of Sparks books, someone dies and it always takes place along a shore. I haven't read them all, but it seems true from what I've seen. My favorite movies are ones I dont' have to think during.. that just give me a bit of someone else's "fake" life!!

Chuck said...

Mmmm. You may be right. You might need a life. You should skip the movie and go to a lunch with a friend instead. Like me. And then see a real movie.

Vern said...

Wow, this is is embarrassing because apparently Stacia is right and this isn't based on a Nicholas Sparks book. I even looked up his website before writing this post so I'm not sure how I got confused. Must be those hormone replacement pills. Still, many of my points are valid, dontcha think?

Rachey: I don't know how to help you, but I'm 100% in agreement on the Robert Pattinson part. :)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

“Nurse? I’m feeling much better now. How’s about you slip me a little bottle of Vicodin and I let this nice boy take me home?”

Hahahaha!

Bakeshow said...

hel-LO spoiler alert!!! Sheesh!

Vanessa said...

movie night! The problem here is that Greg will NOT watch that movie which means I need to plan way ahead and schedule it so it coincides with a work trip....but the problem is when he's gone I'm too tired to haul my but to go get it from redbox.....

Vanessa said...

whoa....hold the phone....Rachey doesn't think Channing is cute?? how much more "tall dark and handsome" can you get???

Garden of Egan said...

I have to agree! I love a good love scene.
Now I want to watch Kate and Leopold...I love to see juvederm gone wrong.

Ya, Sparks better be good with this one!

Seth, Cassie, Ruby & Lucy said...

When I read your writing I hear your voice. Makes me feel like I'm with you having a conversation. Makes me wish you lived near me. No, me near you, that would be more interesting.

I must be behind in movies because I haven't heard of half of them. I enjoyed the post anyway. Thanks for the laugh.

Jill said...

You would love Sommersby. You should watch it.

Meg said...

Kristy I am soooo with you. I hated Dear John. Stupid, Stupid, Stupid. If they do not get back together at the end of this movie, I will Never watch another one of his movies AGAIN!

Karen said...

My daughter and I were just having this conversation, if you woke up and the charming Channing (sorry Rachey you need glasses!) said he was my husband I would just go with it! And then say a great prayer of Thanks!

Love you Vern!