Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Nerds' Wives Rule Too. - OR - Nerds' Wives Rule Too!

I don't know if you know this, but selling off hundreds of cards to pay for a family vacation is a lot of work.  Sure, Cory gets major kudos for being willing to part with his beloved collection, but I should also get points for doing the ground work.  In essence, I am turning into the ebay master.  The Ebay Master!  (Do you see the difference there?  First I said I was the ebay master.  Period.  Then I said I was the Ebay Master!  Exclamation point.  Doesn't the 2nd one sound better?  Like we're ALL having fun now.  You'll see in paragraph 3 how this is relevant.)  I have my own cubicle and everything.  I'm waiting for my cape, but in the meantime I'm making do with sweats and fuzzy slippers.  Just you watch, it will be all the rage at Halloween.

We've narrowed it down to a routine - Cory researches the value of the card, then I list it, keep tabs on the auction, and ship it to the highest bidder.  See how I just made it sound like Cory does one thing and I do three?  Don't be deceived, because you may recall that he is a CPA so when I say that he, "researches the value of the card" it means that he looks up the reseller purchase price, compares it to the market value, calculates the difference and formulates it all into a spreadsheet.  This, he can do.  It's Valentine's Day that he struggles with.  Speaking of Valentine's Day I gave Cory his gift a little early last week when I commented on one of the auctions.  "Did you see that Nether Void is up to $84?" I asked him when he walked in the door.  Then, shocked by my own words I steadied myself, looked up at him and said, "Have you ever been more attracted to me?"  I imagine it would be similar to Cory nudging me awake after a nap and saying, "Would you like some chocolate molten lava cake with vanilla bean gelato and caramel sauce?" followed by, "Are you always this pretty?"  This is why imagination is so important, kids.  

Nevertheless, I will admit there was a bit of an adjustment period because I am using Cory's already established ebay account, so I'm kind of trying to pretend I'm him.  Not only that, but I have to pretend that I speak this other language that includes words like "Tolarian Academy", "Earthcraft" and "Mox Opal" (just to name a few).  I'm trying to sound legit but let's be real here people, I am a stay at home mom who watches excess amounts of HGTV, appreciates the comeback of the color gray and understands that to love Pinterest is to love burlap.  I don't know how to communicate with boys who don't capitalize their sentences or use punctuation.  After a few encounters I asked Cory his opinion while responding to a query.  I wanted to sound friendly and accommodating, so I answered this guy's question and ended it with an exclamation point.  "Does this sound like something you would say?" Cory peered over my shoulder as I sat at the computer and the following conversation ensued.

"What's with the exclamation point?"
"It's supposed to make me seem nice."
"You're making me sound like a GIRL."
"So you just want me to end it with a period?  That seems so...cold."
[Cory shakes his head.] 
"I mean, really," I defended.  "This is a good card!  He should be excited about it!"
"You're lame."
Ok fine, Cory didn't say I was lame.  Not with his words anyway, but his body language was screaming, "You are a lame spice, lame nugget, lame-a-licious lamehead." 

Robots Periods it is.


mormonhermitmom said...

Kudos to you for helping him out.

And I don't think it's lame spice, I think it's lame sauce but I only know that because my 16 year old nephew says it.

Amy said...

I typed an email for my husband and was chastised. "real men don't smile" no ":)" not even at the end of a joke.

Anna said...

As one married to a nerd this made me laugh and laugh. Kudos to you both.

Lisa said...

Oh, rabbit. You slay me. SLAY! ME! With two exclamation points!! Seriously so funny, your efforts are wasted in the land of ebay master. I want to be you.

Jillybean said...

I usually use TWO exclamation points!!

And a happy face :)

How do you thing he would feel about the happy face?

Stefani said...

My 17 year old daughter is always schooling us in how to convey proper emotion electronically. I totally agree, my son and husband shudder at the excessive use of !!!, ;), and LOL's.

Which reminds me have you seen the Seinfeld where Elaine uses the exclamation points? It's a good one!!!!!!!!

Melissa said...

When I actually officially followed your blog, it said, "Congratulations!" So, I felt way more excited. I mean, A checked your blog from a link from a couple of friends' blogs, but to actually be congratulated for choosing to check it straight from my blog dashboard felt amazing! AMAZING! Also, I am married to a rocket scientist who loves science fiction and fantasy. Not the kind of fantasy that girls like, you know princesses and vampires and dystopian fantasies, but the weird magic stuff. So, I know what you are going through. Except the eBay part. I don't know how to sell stuff on eBay. I am not a master.

*katie said...

Alan so does not approve of the exclamation marks or smiley faces I try to add to his emails or text messages. Where as in contrast, I usually cannot complete a text or a FB status without at least 2 or 3. :)