Monday, March 24, 2008

Home Improvement for Dummies

There are essentially two schools of thought when it comes to laying tile to replace existing linoleum that went out of style about the same time as Atari. One, tile over the linoleum. Two, spend 17 hours ripping up old linoleum, install Wonderboard, and THEN you may tile, you gargantuan fool you have no business doing home improvement. I vote group #1. Mainly because it all depends on your definition of a "fool", and because I am not afraid of being called gargantuan.

Aside from finishing our basement, which was only done because of a friend of ours who told us what to do, tiling our kitchen is the most aggressive home improvement project Cory and I have ever undertaken, second only to dusting all the way to the top of the 20 foot ceilings in our living room. We almost called it off the night before we started because we discovered a water line that we couldn't shut off. Which left us with the following options:
a) Instead of removing the refrigerator completely, we would have to tile around it and work in stages. Pros: we would not flood our kitchen. Cons: I would not have full use of my kitchen until Samantha graduated from high school. And I might kill someone.
b) We could install a new valve. Pros: A decent option if you are “fix-it people”. Cons: We are not “fix-it people”.
c) Turn off the water completely for approximately four days. Pros: Again, able to avoid flooding in the kitchen while still removing the refrigerator. Cons: Despite Cory's attempt to decorate this option with optimism by saying we could "practice for a natural disaster and see what it's like not to shower for several days", I vehemently rejected this choice on the basis that I would again, likely kill someone. Only this time I would also smell bad, so I’d be easy to find.
d) Find an angel at Home Depot who helps you locate a gadget that will allow you to disconnect said waterline and cap it off. For only a few minutes and a few dollars your problems are solved.

We chose “d” with more enthusiasm than should be allowed to display for small copper parts. But seriously, when Cory showed up with that and made it work I have never wanted him more. We got all the tile down in one day, and were barely able to walk the next. But the kitchen looks awesome. A little grout and a couple more nights out at Chipotle and we’re in business.


Anonymous said...

Wow! Congratulations!

Brittany said...

I am highly impressed. I am also a danger to myself and others when it comes to home improvement projects, so count me double-highly-impressed.

Anonymous said...

Home improvement projects should only involve fathers, father-in-laws, brothers, brother-in-laws, are you getting my drift yet?

Vern said...

Yeah, nice advice Boliver. Here's a news flash - WE DON'T LIVE BY A GRAVY TRAIN LIKE YOU DO.

Anonymous said...

OK, what's bad about having to eat out for about 4 nights? Especially when those aging hippies from down the street would be delighted to let you use a shower - we're all about keeping the neighborhood clean!

Sounds like Cory is a champ, though - We are impressed.

Dawn H.

Mom of Three said...

That is awesome! I wish the Tim and I had the ganas to do that.

Rachey said...

Every time I see "Chipotle" in a post, all I can think is "Mmm, Chipotle". I might just have to go there for lunch now.

Sounds like rough work!

Pauly said...

You mean little copper doodads are the secret? Man, I've been wasting waaaay too much money on flowers and dinners out.