Have you missed this feature? It's been a while, and I've learned a few things lately so let's get up to speed. First, what Paul Reiser knows for sure:
“Sometime during those forty-five minutes between feedings when you actually are asleep, a little man comes and takes your nouns away.” - from his book "babyhood"
1. I don’t know what the going rate is for idiots these days but whatever it is, I’m grossly underpaid
2. Ron Paul has dropped out of the Presidential race. I could have saved him some money.
3. The Lakers can't win a playoff game EVEN IF THEY OCCUPY A 24 POINT LEAD.
4. Using a gas lighter instead of a torch to melt the brown sugar on your crème brulee does not produce the same effect - I learned this on Father's Day - I don't want you going around thinking I whip up crème brulee on random Tuesday nights
5. The commercials where they make real people look animated aren't cool
6. Applying moisturizing chap stick before buzzing on your bike through the buggy area of the lake is a bad, BAD idea
7. Purple jelly beans always suck
8. Sonic has happy hour every day from 2-4pm. Drinks and slushes are 1/2 price. What else do I need to know? Except that their shakes are also 99 cents during the month of June. And JUST now I learned that there is nothing on my keyboard that will produce the "cents" symbol. Has it always been that way?
9. Behind every good man in a road trip crisis is a good woman with a bag of wipes
10. Anyone who still operates under the notion that all black people have rhythm has never seen Oprah dance