Thursday, January 15, 2009

Do I Have To Grow A Beard Now?

I'm a great aunt. Like, officially. As in, my niece had a baby and I might show up on their pedigree chart someday. Isn't he adorable? I need to go shopping.

I'm not totally sure how I feel about this Great Aunt thing. On the one hand, I am so happy and excited for my niece and her husband. They are a really great couple, and they are going to be really fun parents, but they also freely admit that they are not perfect, well, Rachel admits it anyway, and since they keep a blog I will get to read all about it. Bonus!

But I also feel like it's important for little Liam to know that his Great Aunt Vern should be his favorite person. Like, ever. And I'm not sure he'll ever come to this knowledge. To prove my point, have you ever had a Great Aunt that you were close to? That didn't have a beard and live next door to her parents? Who didn't own seventeen cats? Let's be honest. Nobody really knows or cares about their Great Aunts unless they send money regularly. And even then it's like, "Sweet, my crazy great aunt must have won at the slots again. I love it when she's manic and sends me cash."

I think it's time to change the stereotype of the Great Aunt. Liam, listen up. I know you've only been here for twenty-four hours, but time is of the essence. Your great aunt Vern, aside from loving you already would like you to have a concise understanding of the role of a Great Aunt. Ummmm....

((enter: crickets))

Okay, hypothetically let's say we're at a family reunion. It's dinner time, and there are 40 people trying to tell each other what to do, and there are small children in line with empty plates demanding lots of jello and requesting no vegetables. You're in a corner on your dad's lap and he's trying to forget that he married into this craziness, and I'm watching the chaos ensue wondering where I can escape. This is where you come in. Your job is to remember that I'm your favorite and ask for me by name - a simple "Wa-ble-hmmm" will do. I answer to just about anything, but especially to "Wa-ble-hmmm". I'll come get you, and we'll hop down to the beach (well, I'll do the hopping, you just buckle up and stay attached to the hip, alrighty?) and I'll tell you all about how the current Nursery Rhymes are cleaned up versions of their original tragic tales written by manic depressives before the days of Zoloft. You'll laugh and say, "Oh Aunt Vern, you are so funny," and I'll say, "The secret, my child, is knowing where the Zoloft is kept."

And we'll live happily ever after.

8 comments:

JustRandi said...

I think the secret to being a great great-aunt is to always have a purse full of candy. And now that you mention it, Zoloft.
And probably good enough eyesight to know when you're giving out what.

Stephanette said...

My favorite relative was my great aunt Elinor. Everyone else thought she was cranky and kind of mean, but I thought she was amazing with really cool toys and ice cream.

I think you've got the right idea.

Kerri said...

I thought only unmarried Great Aunt's used Zoloft. (If you want to understand this, you will have to ask me....)

He is just about the cutest, though!

Tia Juana said...

Okay, a couple of comments back and forth and I think we have officially become blogging friends! This is great!

And I couldn't agree more on the whole great aunt thing. I had a whole post on it sometime back in July when all the family was getting together without me and I was feeling all sad about the the great grand babies not knowing or caring about me. And yes, I was just thinking the other day that I should send all the grand babies some MCD's Happy Meal certificates for Valentine's days - because while some are only old enough to gum a fry, at least their parents will know where the bread is buttered, or the fry is fried, and they might just feel so inclined to come for a visit.

And for the record, I came around lurking to see if your blog was as fun as your Christmas letters and it seems to be that it is funnier! A Christmas laugh every day of the year!

Also, did we ever meet in real life? I really can't remember. It is kind of like we have kept in touch so very very long that I'm pretty sure I knew you but truthfully, I don't know that we did. Unless of course you lived in that blasted singles ward that Rod and I had to go to when we were married. Were you in it? Or was that just all of Cory's other girlfriends that I met and we never had the pleasure, you and I?

Heather said...

what in the world did i just read?

Lorie said...

GREAT AUNT VERN, that just has a special ring about it.

Vanessa said...

well....it sounds like you've accepted this role rather well. I however still can't get over the fact that I am 28 and have acquired such a title as Great Aunt. I'm glad you're willing to be the one to rescue him from family reunion chaos because I will probably be in the neighboring room nursing this kids' second cousin.....removed once....turned twice and so on. Is there a website somewhere to define all these extended relationships?

RyGuy said...

Ya know, I think we should make this favorite great aunt thing a cool game, where everyone tries do bribe us for the position. I do look forward to having him experience Davis family reunions. There might be some "all chiefs and no indians" issues he's left with, but if the second coming and end of the world happens in his life-time, at least he won't be upset by the noise. Oh and just for the record, I am absolutely cool enough to admit when I'm not perfect, and won't hesitate to admit it if anyone ever finds the evidence.