Monday, March 7, 2011

Hi Dad. You Might Want To Skip This One.


A very nice couple invited us to dinner last night in their brand new home.  Since it was, quite literally, a brand new home and the hostess had denied offers for us to contribute to the meal I thought it would be nice to take some kind of token housewarming…I don’t know…thing.  As I rummaged around the house I remembered that I had some plain, leftover bundt cakes in my freezer that were undecorated, and wouldn’t it be nice to make a tasty buttercream frosting, decorate the cakes and bestow them upon our hostess at our arrival?  Why yes, I thought so too.

I pulled out the cakes to thaw and began mixing my frosting – some cinnamon here, a little almond extract there, and a drip of vanilla to round everything out and I was good to go.  Samantha gussied up a bit of cardboard, we set the cakes side by side and I began to frost.  Five minutes later I looked quizzically at my little creation and tilted my head.  What the tilt of my head was trying to say here was, “Um, Vern?  I know you think you’re all awesome and domestic and everything, but your cakes here LOOK LIKE BREASTS.”  
Turns out my head tilt was totally right, so I tried to fix it.  Maybe if I sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon and sugar on top it will help.  Know what happens when you sprinkle cinnamon and sugar on white buttercream?  The cinnamon sort of absorbs into the frosting creating a nice, appetizing shade of areola. 


But I was not yet defeated!  With a fresh bouquet of flowers on my kitchen table I attempted a Big Fat Greek Wedding approach to the bundt, but the damage had already been done and I couldn't seem to see past what appeared to be a lovely pair of  Woodstock Boobs. 


To be sure I wasn’t overreacting I held up my little creation to Cory and said, “Honey, do you see anything wrong with this dessert?”  As he came over to inspect my work he suggested, “Uhh…can you scrape off the nipples?”  That’s it!  This was not suitable for company.

We arrived at dinner empty handed.

But I supposed that’s better than boobs on a plate.

28 comments:

just call me jo said...

I'll bet you'd have been the center of attention had you taken in those knocker cakes. So did you just nibble the nipples yourselves when you got home? Interesting! Very interesting.

the emily said...

I never ever ever write "lol" but friend, this one quite literally has me laughing. Right out loud. And every time I think of it all day, I know I'm going to laugh all over again.

anitamombanita said...

REally?! REALLY?!! C'mon, for someone who's got all the moves to "Can't Touch This", I'm shocked that you didn't want to bring the beautiful perfect little round bundt cakes. They would have been the talk of the party!!! Toooo funny.

Garden of Egan said...

Oh my heck. I probably wouldn't have recognized that, thanks for the entertainment.

The flowers really set it off though. Totally a Glamour Mag shot.
Totally.

tawnya said...

I'm seriously loving the Woodstock Boobs. SERIOUSLY laughing.

jksfam said...

You are so dang funny!!!

Karen said...

This is so inappropriate.






Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

violyngirl said...

Maybe if you had sprinkled some glitter on top...

roxanne said...

Oh. Wow. White buttercream + cinnamon = areola. Sooo funny.

Natasha said...

You are awesome.

Why?

Because you said areola.

Patty Ann said...

Oh my!! I am so totally laughing. I love it. And I am also glad that you did not take them!! That might have caused a major rift of something. I think I will be chuckling for a few days over this one!!!

ganelle said...

I'm left wondering whey you held back? If you were coming to MY house those boob cakes would have been INTENTIONAL!

Kelly said...

That is so dang funny. Do you wonder now exactly why your inner self had you decorate is such a way.... That is probably what I would be thinking.

Heather said...

oh man. will you please live next door to me? i need a girl who hates running as much as me so we can complain and talk about boob cakes.

Ashly said...

oh h*ll.. that's funny...the post itself...the comments. hell. can we just all meet up for dinner sometime? something tells me we'd have a good ol' time. (you bring the cakes.)

mormonhermitmom said...

I dare you to post that one on Cake Wrecks.

Mom of Three said...

First it is rice krispie treats, then bundt cakes. Hmmm... what would Freud say to that?!

Ria's Random Thoughts said...

Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rocslinger said...

Oh my, too funny, Can't catch my breath,

Will you be applying to Karens Cakes soon? With cakes like that you'd be a shoo in.

theloulie said...

ROFL!!!!!!!

Donnette said...

I'm still waiting for your mom to weigh in...

Cynthia said...

You should have taken them and looked very innocent as they tilted THEIR head.
Very funny.

Jill said...

Aren't you the same person who sent my mom Breast Rice Crispie treats when she was diagnosed with cancer?

Kerri said...

Glitter boobs, boob cakes....hmmm, sort of an obsession I see here?

Heather said...

Best ever!!
You made boobie cakes, then bedazzled them! Thank you for that:)

Stephanette said...

Seriously, if you EVER make it out to the middle of nowhere Kansas and come to dinner, promise me you'll bring boob cakes for dessert! Please!

Thanks for the laugh.

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

I think you have something here for every "boob" man out there. Those would have been great hostess gifts, a great hostess gift? I loved them and I think I'll do them in green with shamrocks instead of flowers to bring to a St Paddy's party I'm going to this week. Thanks for a great idea. By the by - I needed this laugh today. Thanks!

Kim said...

HAHAHA! That is hilarious! They were were pretty though! It was a great thought. Maybe just one cake next time?!?