Friday, March 4, 2011

This Hurts Me More Than It Hurts You

Back when they took my ovaries out and I began menopause along with a hormone therapy replacement regimen, I was warned about several side effects. Dry mouth, night sweats, reduced sex drive, increased fantasies of assisted living facilities with Bingo every weekend, etc. It sounded like just another Friday night to me, so I wasn’t too concerned. The problem is they never once, EVER warned me about the possibility of unexpectedly bursting into tears during a Parent Teacher Conference.

But that’s exactly what happened.

Yesterday was chock full of excitement – aside from the normal tantalizing exercises of bathing and rummaging for the good cold cereal, I attended back to back conferences at different schools with both of my children’s teachers. Drew’s began uneventfully with talk of test scores, classroom participation, upcoming projects and then a Ra-Ra lecture to Drew from his teacher about how much she believed in him, that his work habits were great and that she had ZERO concerns about his ability to transfer to middle school. I mumbled under my breath, “Mama might have to go to therapy over it but YOU will be just fine.” I was just trying to be lighthearted, but then the teacher looked at me and asked, “Well, what concerns do you have about him going to middle school?” Without warning the likes of Mount Everest erupted in my esophagus and I felt my eyes begin to burn. I looked away and said, “Oh nothing, I know he’ll be fine.” But as I looked back she was still staring at me, and something about the eye contact felt like an open invitation to “Go ahead Drew’s mom, tell me aaaaaall about your crazy”, and I lost it. “Is he your first?” she asked. “No!” I claimed, “he’s my LAST!”

It takes a special gift to turn a normal meeting into a counseling session, and just when I thought I had run out of gifts….

I’m just not ready. I don’t feel old enough to not have anyone in elementary school anymore – for crying out loud, my mom at my age had just had a baby. I’m not ready to throw a perfectly nice, innocent, wonderful boy into an ocean of filthy language, hormonal behavior and shady influence. It doesn’t matter to me that I believe he can handle it, I don’t want him to have to see it. Boys are different than girls, and I’m not ready to watch adolescence take hold of him and give him acne and armpit hair and prevent him from giving his mom a side hug before climbing onto the bus. I’M NOT READY!

Is anyone else seeing a pattern here? I’ve managed to humiliate my kids and myself in less than a week and I guarantee somewhere along the way my husband has hung his head in shame. For matters of convenience and to further my denial, I’m blaming the hormone pills.

17 comments:

Carly said...

I cried all afternoon because I read an article that said women are better drivers and Jordan thought it was a load of crap. I'm glad I'm not alone in this stupid hormone business.

ganelle said...

Hey, at least you got to parent teacher conference. I cried in front of Trenton's teacher in the middle of a perfectly fine afternoon.

I'm just hoping the teachers are used to it.

Oh, and YOU will be fine too.

just call me jo said...

Walk on through the shame. They'll forgive you for this one. It's the next ten they might not. It's normal--sort of.

anitamombanita said...

Ohhh. Sad. Well, if it's any consolation, my daughter, Shauna, still kissed me on the lips when I dropped her off every morning in front of her HIGH SCHOOL. So, hang in there... you just don't know for sure what's going to happen next. Things could go swimmingly well!

Ria's Random Thoughts said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ria's Random Thoughts said...

I did the same thing when Zac graduated from elementary school. It was when they sang "We go Together" from Grease. I couldn't stop crying. I hope I'm not as bad this year with William.

Thelissa said...

Ooooooohhhhhhh!:( My kiddos are still little, but even the thought of middle school and beyond makes me well up in tears. Heck, I cried reading about YOUR kid having to go there and I don't even you him! I'm feeling for you!

Lisa said...

I blamed the Unions for several things this week~you can use them, too—It's the least they can do. I have a counselor in our Stake who can see into my soul, even as I pass him at the grocery store. When we make eye contact, I weep on cue. Shoulder shrug.

Stefani said...

I so feel your pain sistah.

Garden of Egan said...

I remember feeling that.
My baby is 19.
Sometimes I feel as though I have no purpose and I'm ready for a nursing home.

Mom and Camera said...

I feel like bursting into tears today, too. I can't blame hormone pills, but I can blame hormones! Dang them!!

Lani Wendt Young said...

SO glad Im not the only one who feels that way abt her son growin up. I only WISH i had a good hormone pills excuse for my behaviour... My oldest teen just got himself a girlfriend and I just cant stand it. Its Totally killing me!

Patty Ann said...

Oh, I have so been in the same place!! My youngest started middle school this year, my oldest is married with two kids. I can't believe how fast time flies and how emotional I can be about it.

the emily said...

Middle school is awful. I cry just thinking about the words. I KNOW I'll cry when my sweet little boy is going. I'm sure the teacher understands the tears. She went to middle school too.

tz said...

you need to write a book, you are just too funny! My reaction to parent teacher conferences are more me wanting to throttle someone...and I have no HRT to blame..

happy mommy said...

I once cried in front of a principal because she wanted to change my kids from C track to B track.

My reasons were far less melancholy than yours.

Kira said...

Your hormone pills are really TERRIBLE, because now I'm crying too.
Damn pills.