When it comes to the Medical Release, we all know that it asks you to sign the dotted line and give the school permission to make medical decisions for your child should you become unavailable. Most of the time what this means is, listen, if you’re in TJ Maxx and you turned your ringer off and your kid needs a Tylenol, can we give him one? I say, sure! But if it means, “Someone put a double espresso in your daughter’s Capri Sun and she took off running and the last time we saw her she was on I-25 headed north, do you mind if we hit her with a tranquilizer dart?” I’d say, “Send an ice cream truck to the freeway instead and I promise she’ll stop.” Less invasive and 100% effective. Only a mother knows these things.
The Media Waiver is another one that gets me. Basically what they ask is for permission to publish your child’s picture wherever and whenever they want to. At first I think these forms are mostly to protect children whose identities need to remain elusive. I imagine abusive parents whose rights have been revoked only to peruse the elementary school websites looking for their child and say, “There he is! On the monkey bars! I KNEW it.” And proceed to kidnap him from school at recess. So for the last ten years of my children’s education I have always given permission for their pictures to be used and waited year after year to see their sparkly countenances grace the cover of a school district brochure. Or something. But last year as I prepared to sign the waiver and it asked to use my child’s picture on the internet I decided, “You know what? I’m going to say ‘No.’ You never know when some creep might zero in on my kid and try to hunt them down.” So I checked the box that said, “No thanks” which appropriately translates to, “I’m one of those parents.”
Last week Drew came home from school and began going over his day. “We had a cool assembly. A meteorologist came from the news channel and talked about weather. He was really funny, and our school is going to be on the news. Except I had to stand in the hall while they were filming because you signed some paper….”