Do you know what happens when one is in charge of a Christmas program meant to entertain 250 people when the biggest party she has ever planned didn't exceed 20 guests? First, she makes The Polar Express out of a cardboard box, constructs a sleigh out of foam board and the North Pole out of posterboard and streamers, and then orders elf costumes, reindeer antlers, and 300 bells from Oriental Trading Company. In other words, she sort of doesn't do anything else for a while other than plan this party, because if it goes poorly there is no one else to blame. I don't mind doing things poorly as long as I can point the finger at someone else in the end. Case in point: The Felicita Ward Road Show of 1987. I didn't ask to be one of the lead parts so it wasn't my fault that I sucked. (For the record: MARIA'S FAULT.) See how that works?
In the end the program was a success, largely due to the grown man who agreed to squeeze into Drew's pajamas from 2 years ago and my pink Snuggie to play his part, not to mention the other grown men who pranced on stage before night's end or the boys in the process of reaching six feet tall who acted out the enthusiasm of elves. And in case you were wondering, it's easy to make a 15-year-old girl look like a man with a little help from a Napoleon Dynamite wig and glasses. At any rate, now that it's over I can finally announce the winner from last week's giveaway even though the deadline for entering was (remember?) at 7:34 pm on Friday. I used a very advanced selection process and in the end, our winner is: CRAZY LIFE OF VERONEAUS. Congratulations! Please send me your email address to me at vernmaster at gmail dot com and Hatch Patch will send you your gift certificate. I'm planning one final giveaway for the month of December so stay tuned!