Saturday, March 10, 2012

We're So Cool We Poop Ice Cream

One of the sad realities of my current phase is that most of my social life happens within the aisles of Wal Mart.  I know a lot of people in my community and we tend to shop at the same times, for the same things, in the same places as we strive to score deals with Great Value.

It was during one of these interludes lately that I ran into someone new in my social circle, and she caught me with my eyes glazed over in the skin care aisle.  (Am I the only one who gets sweaty palms in that section?  I never know what product to buy.  I'm old, I live in a climate that is drier than a popcorn fart, and I'm certain my current wrinkles are irreversible.  Despite inflated claims I'm certain no one makes a cream that addresses all that.)  I'm not exactly sure how it happened but somewhere between giving the Clean & Clear products a "to talk to the hand" gesture and throwing some Burt's Bees Night Cream in my cart, I found myself engaged in a discussion about the demise of femininity.  Not to be confused with the Gloria Steinhem fan club, this mom was genuinely concerned about the kinds of women who were interacting with her sons on facebook.  "They're so crass," she lamented.  After citing several grievances she added, "I mean they don't even like guys opening their doors anymore."  I nodded sympathetically and tried to weigh in respectfully, and she wasn't wrong, but my mind kept wandering back to a conversation that took place in my home only hours previously.

Drew:  "Do we have any plans tonight?"
Me:  "Yes, we're going to McDonald's for shamrock shakes."
Sam:  "What's a shamrock shake?"
Cory:  "McDonald's only makes them around St. Patrick's Day.  I used to LOVE them as a kid."
Sam:  "Cool."
Cory:  "And you wanna know the best part?  It turns your poo green!"
Drew:  "Sweet!"
Sam:  "Awesome!"

On the one hand I think it would be sort of awesome for one of my friend's sons to fall in love with my daughter, purely for the social experiment of it all.  But she seems really lovely, so I don't really wish that on her.  What I DO wish, however, is that there's another family out there taking a trip to McDonald's just for the shamrock shakes and their side effects so that my children stand a chance at happiness.  Fingers crossed.


laurie said...

I've had three Shamrock shakes thus far this season. I've yet to check my poo. I'll have to pay more attention. Ü

Lisa said...

Drier than a popcorn favorite. Mostly because I live there.

Deleen said...

There will have to be some girls like you daughter out there or I'll never have grandkids. My poor kids are in for a rude awakening when they discover the kind of female that fusses and swoons instead of snickering.

Ria said...

Didn't Grandpa Davis coin that phrase? See I really do remember everything.

Vern said...

Grandpa Davis coined a LOT of phrases Ria, and that was one of them! I hope he's very proud up in heaven.

Welcome to the Garden of Egan said...

STOP IT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure my laptop screen will never dry out.
Probably need to get some popcorn fart blowing on it.

Oh my heck! Who would think about such St Paddy's Day happiness?
Uh, I guess you guys would.

You are my new favorite people.

Devony said...

I miss you and I'm cracking up. Also, try this instead of the skin care aisle next time. It's soooo good!