Friday, February 1, 2008

At least "funny" will still be cool even when I'm in a rest home

There's a couple of people in my life that I don't tell often enough how much I love them. The first is an 18-year-old girl I took to lunch the other day who was shocked when I told her that I was 37. She said she thought I was younger than that. The second was a real live adult peer I was talking to the other night who was shocked when I told her that I was 37. She said she thought I was younger than that. So there it is, according to two people I still look younger than I am. Oh, how I love them.

I've been feeling kinda old lately. Not so much in a "better write out the last will and testament" kind of way, just in a "holy crap, all those jokes they make in greeting cards about saggy boobs are actually based on real events" kind of way. I used to think those were just created by women who liked whining for a living. Then I put two oranges in the bottom of my pantyhose as a joke and thought, "Hey, wait a minute...."

In the midst of feeling way past my prime, I attended an activity the other night with some of our young women at church. It was one of those warm and fuzzy get togethers where everyone takes a turn as an awkward centerpiece while everyone goes around and says something nice about that person. (I find these practices to be generally horrible and uncomfortable.) There were just as many adult leaders as girls, so we all had to endure equally. I didn't intend to take mental notes of the comments, but I did. About Leader #1: she runs marathons, she's pretty...Leader #2: she's really organized, she's so stylish, she's pretty...Leader #3: really nice, has cute kids, she's pretty...Leader #4: she's fun to talk to, she's pretty...Leader #5: she's so pretty, statuesque, so pretty, did we mention how pretty she is? And then they got to me. Judging on the pattern of previous comments, the 14-year-old version of me thought that maybe somewhere among this group of Seventeen Magazine readers somebody might think I had at least looked good at church once. I am Leader #6: "she's funny, she's fun, she's nice, she's funny, THE END." So I guess I'm not much to look at, but I might be good company on a road trip.

The whole experience brought back a memory of playing Barbies with Samantha when she was around 4 years old. She put a bow in the Barbie's hair and said, "See Momma? How does that look?"
" looks cute!" I replied.
Then she ripped the bow out of her hair with bionic strength and yelled, "I don't want her to be CUTE! I WANT her to be BEAUTIFUL!!"
"Well then," I said. And then I got too curious. "So Samantha, is mommy CUTE? Or is Mommy BEAUTIFUL?"
She paused for a second to think and then said, "'re just funny."

I can just see the rest home yearbook now. They'll vote on Cutest Couple, Most Popular, Looks Most Like Her Original Yearbook Photo, Still Using the Restroom without Assistance, Most Likely to Cheat at Canasta, and Ward Clown. I think we all know where my future is headed.


Lorie said...

I've been trying for months to be the FIRST COMMENT and I did it! HA!

I've always told you how young & beautiful you are. Don't I get any credit? :) What about my comments looking through your wedding album, aren't those encouraging?

Good post. It really made me laugh.

Anonymous said...

Yeah well, pretty doesn't last anyway (and just for the record I would love to have your smile!), but funny...that's forever!

Anonymous said...

For heaven's sake, you have it all. You are pretty, clever AND funny! Top that, leader #5!

Heather said...

I always get to be the funny one, not the pretty one but I'll take what I can get.

Randi said...

Well, that's the thing. Pretty fades away, but funny (and ugly) lasts forever. At least you're not ugly.

Matt said...

I think the nicest compliment you ever gave me was that I had chutzpah. So right back at you, beautiful woman that you are: you've got CHUTZPAH, and may it endure forever!

Kerri said...

You're the prettiest ward clown I've ever known. But honestly, and I speak from knowledge since I see the relationship between you and the young women in our ward, they KNOW you, so they SEE the real you. The other leaders, they're just grasping at straws at what to say about them (that's why they are all generally the same comment). But with you, they KNOW you and so they mentioned who you really are. The pretty part goes without saying. You have it all, my friend.

Oh, and in 9 more years, you'll start to notice the wrinkles around your mouth, growing in the corners of your eyes, *everything* sagging. Yeah, it gets worse.....

Rachey said...

I'm your neice, and I was shocked when I saw that you are 37! I guess I should know that, considering I'm now 23. But I guess in mind I'm still 17. Karen McBeth (the mother in-law) always mentions to me how gorgeous you are any time she sees you. Just so you know.

Pauly said...

Vern -

Don't be ashamed of being 37, own it! And if that doesn't help you feel better, remember that Cory will ALWAYS be older than you.

PS. I don't care what the girls at church say, or what anyone else says, you're funny AND beautiful.