Thursday, February 18, 2010

The one where my mom plugs her ears and goes, “La la la!”

It was Drew’s last day off track so we decided to go to lunch, and with a brand new “5 Guys Burgers and Fries” down the street we knew just where to go. I had heard a lot about this place but had never been before, so I was curious to see what the fuss was all about. Guy #1 took my order and was very pleasant. He said, “sure”, “you betcha”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” at all the right times, and let me put whatever I wanted on my hamburger for no extra charge. Jalapenos? BBQ sauce? Grilled onions? I could have had all of it, except I think those are all gross so when I said “no thanks” he said “no problem!” Good job Guy #1. Guy #2 shaped my never-before-frozen-fresh-from-the-pasture ground beef patty. It was delightfully not perfect and tasty to my lips. Guy #3 made my fries, which on that particular day came from potatoes from Shelley, Idaho. At least that’s what the sign said, and I don’t think any of those 5 Guys would lie to me. Guy #4 grilled our burgers and Guy #5 called our number. His voice was very loud and I heard him perfectly – they must have interviewed lots of guys before finding just the right Guy #5.

Drew proceeded to the drink station where he concocted his soda elixir of Coke, Cherry Coke, Root Beer, Mr. Pibb, and Diet Coke all in the same cup. Nice. As we filled a cup with ketchup for our fries I spotted several bottles of something called “Malt Vinegar” on the counter. I asked Guy #3 behind the counter what it was for, and he said, “Oh, it’s really good on your fries. Just put some in a cup and dip it like you do with the ketchup.” Not one to miss out on a certain delicacy, I gave it a go. As Drew and I sat down he asked me about the malt vinegar, and we had the following conversation:

Drew: “What IS that?”
Me: “It’s malt vinegar. They said it’s good on fries so I wanted to try it.”
[dip fry into cup]
Me: “Ew. It’s not good.”
Drew: “Here, let me try.”
[dips fry into cup]
*choke!* gasp! * Drew lunges for his drink and drowns himself in CokeMr.PibbRootBeer.
Drew: “That’s disGUSting!”
Me: “Told ya.”
Drew: “I mean, it tastes like…like… salty pee and vinegar!”
Me: “Salty pee? As opposed to what?”
Drew: “Well, you know how pee is really salty?”
Me: “Uh…how do you know that exactly?”
Drew: “Because A____ told me once that when he went to the bathroom he had an accident and some of his pee accidentally got in his mouth and that it tasted salty.”
Me: (?????) “How does pee get in your mouth when you have an ‘accident’?”
Drew: “I don’t know, maybe he was just standing there and things started to go everywhere and he opened his mouth like, ‘Aaaah! I’m having an accident!’ and then the pee saw his mouth open and went, ‘Hey look, a cool cave!’ and it just jumped in there.”

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that yes, 5 Guys Burgers And Fries was tasty, no I don’t recommend the malt vinegar, and even though the five guys all did a nice job taking care of us, my favorite guy was sitting at my table already.

31 comments:

Naomi Miles said...

In England malt vinegar is served on fat chips (fries), shaken on sparingly, not dipped. It's actually not bad!

I too am wondering how pee accidentaly goes into one's mouth!

Amy said...

I need for you to say this actually happened. That your kid used the words "and then the pee saw his mouth open and went, ‘Hey look, a cool cave!’ and it just jumped in there.”" because that will make my day.

lynette said...

and now i'm dying of laughter and hungry for a burger.

Mom and Camera said...

See--when you go out for burgers with 3 girls the conversation just goes a TOTALLY different way. Very rarely is there "salty pee" involved. Can't wait to see how the conversations change when my boy can talk! Laughing. So. Hard!!!

Vern said...

Amy: true story.

the emily said...

so there's this place in maryland called boardwalk fries. best. fries. ever. and then they put vinegar on them. whaaaat? what's that about? i always requested it without when i lived there and they would try to talk me into it, but i know better. vinegar is disgusting, remember?

*katie said...

The food sounds absolutely fantastic. Especially since it's lunch time right now. And salty pee? Ew! :)

Vanessa said...

How could you have even assumed that something called "malt vinegar" could be the least bit consumable much less digestable. You're killin me....or the malt vinegar is...can't decide which. Ha!

Lorie said...

Funny! I actually feel like I was in on your conversation... quality time with your 10-year-old boy. By the way, Shelley, Idaho (where the fries were from) is actually Richard's home town. Their H.S. mascot was the "Mighty Russets". (no joke!!)

Heather said...

There's no way that was an accident!

Fish and chips... come on? You've never had malt vinegar??

Heather said...

Shelley, ID's mascot is awesome but Sugar-Salem (outside of Rexburg) is The Diggers. Talk about formidable!

violyngirl said...

i REALLY CAN'T STOP LAUGHING. I didn't mean for that to be all caps, but I kinda like it. :)

Jillybean said...

I think your son might have just explained the funny stains on my bathroom wall.

I have 3 boys.

Tia Juana said...

You know, five guys will never be quite the same for me again.

by the way, I really loved your post on your other blog yesterday but was too lazy to log in and comment. I don't like the log in because I can NEVER remember mine becaues I didn't use the same stuff as my blog and so, well, I can never comment even though I have stuff, important stuff, to say every time and can't. But anyway, nice post.

Carly Almost Richardson said...

I am laughing obnoxiously loud in the hallway of the Widtsoe right now. That was fantastic.

just call me jo said...

My husband looked at me funny beause I was laughing so much while reading your blog.
You guys have the BEST dinner table talk.
I'll take his word for it on the pee. I imagine it's true--tears are salty, you know. It's not weird to know that is it?

Lisa said...

I'll never be able to put malt vinegar on my chips again.

ganelle said...

Ewwwwwww.

I really could've done without THAT visual!

Kelly said...

Very funny! I will remember not to try that salty pee dip for my fries.

jason said...

I am glad there was no malt vinegar on the table when we met you and Drew for lunch at Panera.

rocslinger said...

Kinda makes you wonder what guy's talk about when your not there?

Pretty much the same thing.

Boy's are so icky!

Kerri said...

Drew is a crack up - just like his mom.

superpaige said...

Laughing. Salty pee, huh? Well, now, isn't that interesting?

Meg said...

You've never been to a parade till you go to Shelley in Sept to the Spud Day Parade. My kids go every year.
A note on us trying this hamburger joint for the first time. After eating our meal, about two hours later, Travis got the flu. BAD. Needless to say we have not been back.

Kelly said...

Hey,
I gotta ask since I just found out- What happened to make you guys close down light refreshments.

I am just way curious!

Kelly

Mom of Three said...

So picturing the little kid with pee flying in his mouth. Thanks for killing the cravings that your post had invoked!

beanstocks said...

That must have been some accident! I think I'm about to have an accident myself I'm laughing so hard!

Rachey said...

This was so great.

Shar said...

I liked that story. I hope to, one day, take my 2 guys to 5 guys and have them tell me about salty pee.

My mom is from Shelley, ID and my sister's name is Shelley. How unoriginal was my mom?!?

And like Meg said, Spud Day is the bomb. Those Shelley people are serious about their russets!

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Jen said...

I almost had an "Accident" while reading this post! HILARIOUS!! I made my 11yr old read it too and we both laughed harder than we have in a LONG time!! Thanks!! I totally needed that!!