Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Calling All Jewish Readers - UPDATED

Hi.  How are you?  Good.  How are my neighbors?  Not so good.  In fact, life has dealt them among the crappiest of crappy blows and yesterday while walking back from the bus stop with the Dad, I said I would bring them dinner tonight.  I have been baking all afternoon - fresh homemade bread and potato soup.  Delish, right?  I know.  So as I began putting things together I looked in my cupboard and discovered a brand new bag of bacon pieces from Costco and thought to myself, "Self?  Bacon would be so good in that potato soup."  So I dumped some in.  Self was right, because I took a little taste and determined that this was definitely worthy of delivering to a family in crisis.

Then.

I realized.

AFTER dropping it off.

My neighbors are Jewish.

So, I have a few questions.  One:  Why am I such an idiot?  Seriously, you can tell me.  Too much margarine in the 70's?  Not enough face time with intelligent conversation?  Snuck one too many handfuls of dog food as a kid?  What?  Two:  How bad is it to give a liberal serving of bacon to a Jew?  Is it kind of like giving Tiramisu to a Mormon?  You know, we play dumb and just go, "My, my.  That sure is good cake.  What's that rich, tangy flavor in there?" or is it more like, "Here you go Mormon, just have one little gulp of my vodka.  Just once won't hurt."  Three:  Are you Jewish by any chance?  If so, can you tell me how to fix this?  Because I feel a little stupid (and by a "little" I mean like Dolly Parton's rack, little) and I don't know what to do.  My intentions were good, but now I feel like a jerk. 

Anyone?

UPDATE:  I profusely apologized to my neighbor when I saw her at the bus stop and she said they don't keep kosher.  Phew!  We are still friends.  I'm thinking of having them over for an authentic Luau with a pig roast just to test the boundaries.  Too far?

19 comments:

Amy said...

Seriously? We (mormons) can't have tiramisu?

Erin said...

Hi there-are you sure your neighbors keep kosher? You chould cross your fingers and hope they aren't observant...but I don't think that's the solution you are looking for here. :-)
Maybe just tell them what happened and apologize; if they do keep kosher they will still appreciate the sentiment (and it sounds like they still have yummy fresh bread to enjoy) and if they don't, then everyone can have a good laugh! Maybe...:-)

And Amy, tiramisu is usually made with coffee (espresso even) so I know lots of Latter-day Saints who don't eat it.

Kerri said...

This was very very very like something I would do. No. This is very very like something I HAVE done. The first time I asked some friends (the wife is Jewish) for dinner years ago, I asked them if pork chops were OK. Then at the dinner (after I'd finally realized pork chops were not OK) we were talking about the impending birth of our little boy and the circumcision decision and asked them what they had decided to do with their two boys and why. She just kind of looked at me funny and said it was easy because of religious reasons. Doh.

I felt more than lame. I also wanted to hide under a rock. But they've been our friends for more than 15 years, so I guess they've forgiven me.

ganelle said...

I'm with Erin, hope they don't keep kosher (many, many Jews don't - or at least not rigidly) and maybe next time you see them, tell them and apologize.

Either way, I'm thinking you're still a pretty great neighbor. More than anything, it's a thoughtful gesture. You can bring ME dinner ANY time!

Patty Ann said...

I agree, it is the thought that counts, although, you might want to bring an amazing chocolate dessert when you apologize. Chocolate can sure pave the way to a good laugh or two. But remember, you truly did not intend to give offense. Therefore, I would not ignore it, but would eat a little crow while it is still warm.

Stefani said...

Nice! the Crappiest of crappy blows and now bacon in the potato soup...

Stefani said...

That was a joke, by the way. (Can I joke about that?)

mormonhermitmom said...

Check the label. Are you sure it was real bacon or was it soy beans made to taste like bacon with "liquid smoke" or something like that? If it wasn't real you could apologize and show them the label. If it was real I guess you just apologize.

Jill said...

You should go say you're sorry and take a "Finder card", I would so trade bacon for tobacco, alcohol, gambling etc.

Jill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

So... good luck with that. I'm sure it will be fine, and if not at least we'll be getting a good blog post in the next day or two.

Maybe you could order in a pizza, without CANADIAN BACON.

JustRandi said...

You and I must subscribe to the same cooking theory: If you can't put chocolate in it, put bacon.

mmmm....

Yeah, take a KOSHER chocolate cake, apologize, laugh, and ask if they do keep kosher. At least you'll remember next time. :)

Mindy Williams said...

While I feel sorry for this recent foible, I laughed so hard that it just made my day, so there is your silver lining. Just walk over and tell em and admit it and laugh it off with them. If they are offended, then that choice is theirs, but it doesn't hurt to make sure no offense was intended. I like the chocolate idea on the way. Or corner the kid and find out if they eat bacon?

Karen said...

This one time I was a nanny in Philly for a Jewish family. I made pork chops for dinner.

It was awkward.

Jenn said...

What? No Tiramisu?! Ooopps.

rocslinger said...

I'd skip the pig in case she said they wern't kosher just to make you feel better. Start small if you have to, say pork rinds.

the emily said...

Oh PHEW.

Kerri said...

This seriously reminds me of my mother when my sister brought home her future husband for dinner with them. You know he's Iranian and thus, Muslim. Although he is no longer practicing, he was still adhereing to the no cloven hooves for food thingy. So my mom told my sister she'd make a pork roast. My sister explained and so my mom said, "Oh, I can make lion chops, then." Yeah, I totally get it.

Chelsea said...

Mom my was fretting about serving a fritatta with ham in it to her aunt who is Jewish. So she changed the whole brunch menu, I suppose maybe we would have been fine, but I suppose we saved ourselves some embarrassment by changing the menu.