Hi. How are you? Good. How are my neighbors? Not so good. In fact, life has dealt them among the crappiest of crappy blows and yesterday while walking back from the bus stop with the Dad, I said I would bring them dinner tonight. I have been baking all afternoon - fresh homemade bread and potato soup. Delish, right? I know. So as I began putting things together I looked in my cupboard and discovered a brand new bag of bacon pieces from Costco and thought to myself, "Self? Bacon would be so good in that potato soup." So I dumped some in. Self was right, because I took a little taste and determined that this was definitely worthy of delivering to a family in crisis.
AFTER dropping it off.
My neighbors are Jewish.
So, I have a few questions. One: Why am I such an idiot? Seriously, you can tell me. Too much margarine in the 70's? Not enough face time with intelligent conversation? Snuck one too many handfuls of dog food as a kid? What? Two: How bad is it to give a liberal serving of bacon to a Jew? Is it kind of like giving Tiramisu to a Mormon? You know, we play dumb and just go, "My, my. That sure is good cake. What's that rich, tangy flavor in there?" or is it more like, "Here you go Mormon, just have one little gulp of my vodka. Just once won't hurt." Three: Are you Jewish by any chance? If so, can you tell me how to fix this? Because I feel a little stupid (and by a "little" I mean like Dolly Parton's rack, little) and I don't know what to do. My intentions were good, but now I feel like a jerk.
UPDATE: I profusely apologized to my neighbor when I saw her at the bus stop and she said they don't keep kosher. Phew! We are still friends. I'm thinking of having them over for an authentic Luau with a pig roast just to test the boundaries. Too far?