Friday, October 8, 2010


Sometimes I can’t sleep.

Sometimes when I can’t sleep I go online and read blogs.

Sometimes I read something that gets me really fired up, which, incidentally, enhances the initial No Sleeping Problem. One thing leads to another and before you know it you’re signing up for something, typing in your credit card number and checking the box which says you agree to the Terms and Conditions (which for all you know says that you will never again use the words “bodily fluids” in mixed company but you’ll never know, because you never actually READ the Terms and Conditions) and agree to pay the $1 to find out exactly which pedophiles live in your neighborhood.

Sometimes this happens and when it does, the red flag at the credit card company goes up because it’s not used to seeing Vern charge things on her Visa at two o’clock in the morning. Wal Mart at 3pm? Safeway bakery at 6am? (That’s when the donuts are freshest!) Children’s Place 15 minutes before any baby shower? These are all patterns of behavior that my credit card company is accustomed to tracking. But the 2am thing to spy on all the creepsters in my neighborhood really threw it off its game and as a result, it declined my card.


It was just what I needed to feel resigned to going back to bed.

The next morning I woke up to my phone ringing at 7am.

It was Cory.

My life companion.

The one who learned the hard way that when a woman asks you how she looks wearing a pink tent when she is 19 months pregnant you never, EVER tell her the truth.

The one who crunches numbers for a living and checks our Visa statements online every day.

That guy.

He was calling from work. “Hi Honey. Hey, I was just looking at our bank statement - do you know anything about a one dollar charge to a DATING AND ESCORT SERVICE?”

I was awake now.

Someone had tried to mess with me.

Sometimes when you try to be a good guy and go in search of the bad guys, the bad guys try to weasel their way in and give you the finger. Guess what, bad guys? You lose. Even though it showed up on our statement, my credit card company flagged the transaction and sought our permission before allowing it to go through because it seemed suspicious. It wasn’t consistent with my history and as a result, the access to my integrity was vehemently denied.

Which just goes to show you.

Sometimes, the good guys win.


Stefani said...

God bless those good guys at the credit card company!

rocslinger said...

Yay, good guys. Did Cory think for a minute that you just might be looking for a different "number cruncher"?

Kelly said...

That is so funny! I will have to be more careful about accepting those terms in my future.

April and Michael Maughan said...

I like the blog look.
Our credit card company is good like that too.

talitha said...

For future reference, you can find out about all the creepy crawlies in your neighborhood for free...or so I hear.

I wouldn't know from past experience of being up reeeeallly late on the internet with nothing to do and a wild imagination...I mean, besides you--who would do that?

Meg said...


Naomi said...

For once the credit card company gets a thumbs up for helping! Love the new look blog too.

Stephanie said...

Did you change your header? I like it, even if I'm a month late or something.

You totally made up this whole post didn't you?, just so Cory wouldn't know about that 2 a.m. escort service business?

Either way, I'm glad they didn't get your dollar.

Rebecca Foster said...

This reminds me of the time our manager treated us to a night at a sports bar...and Visa called him the next day to find out if his card had been stolen, the charge was so high. Nope, just heavy drinkers on his team!

In Texas that criminal info is free-- I thought that was nationwide, but I've never checked anywhere else. And yes, there was someone on my street on the list. Glad I checked.

Jill said...

I think Ganelle should steal your credit card and start charging walkers, scooters, and hearing aids just to see if they flag it. You are turning 40 soon.

tz said...

that is awesome! I had a similar experience, but bad guys actually got my number and charged 900 dollars at an Indian restaurant IN India...card flagged, credited back amount and card declined at mcdonalds drivethrough.

I was just talking about your blog, via ganelle's comment on dodi's're very popular :D

ganelle said...

Hmm, I think it's a good sign that Cory didn't get all paranoid that you were trying to hook up with some young hottie with hair. Shows trust that he asked first, dontcha think???

Anonymous said...

I love it when I wake up and think, "Did I buy something last night, or did I just really think I needed that set of flameless candles that cute Nate Burkess was selling?"

Vanessa said...

Ha! Some loser in Texas kept trying to use my American Express...each time the cc company would call me. It was the only time I genuinely felt love and compassion for that "agent" on the other line.

Emily said... is the site where you can check the National Sex Offender Registry in your neighborhood...for free.

Way to go Credit Card company!