Sunday, October 24, 2010

What I Know For Sure - Volume VI

I've watched Oprah sit across from many a guest and ask them, "What do you know FOR SURE?"  Their answers are typically uninspiring but every time I've heard the question posed I've silently wondered how I would respond to the same.  The result has been a series of Top 10 lists I started a couple of years ago (archived on the sidebar) - it's been a really long time since I've had a fresh one, so here it goes:

1. We need to find a different word for “titillating”.

2. Same with “pianist”.

3. Eating healthy gives you gas. Anyone who refutes this has never had a “Fiber One” bar and 5 servings of vegetables in the same day.

4. Noting #3, our investment in that King size bed is already paying off.

5. When your spaghetti sauce unknowingly explodes in a box that sits in the basement for another four weeks it gets moldy and ruins everything else in the box, including your plastic wrap.

6. Trying to get mold out of a roll of plastic wrap is about as productive as trying to scrape all the butter off of a piece of baklava.

7. There’s a scene from “The Office” where Jim is sitting at his station when he suddenly thunks his head face down on his desk. The camera moves to Pam where she explains that sometimes Jim “dies of boredom” and in those instances it is her job to revive him. Now that they're finally together, I think it's time to see Jim & Pam utilize this tactic on a road trip along I-80.

8. It’s embarrassing when your kid farts in front of your home teacher during his spiritual message.

9. It’s also really funny.

10. I’ve never met a woman who can legitimately pull off the phrase, “You go girl!”

10 comments:

ganelle said...

Sounds like your home teaching is a lot like ours. Luckily, our HT also has several boys at home. He laughs about as hard as the boys. Phew!

b. said...

#3, #3, #3!!!!
YES!

Also, #4 doesn't EVEN help at my house.

just call me jo said...

Why not just throw away the plastic wrap? Why are you trying to get mold out of it? Am I just dense not to understand this titillating post? How often do you use the word "pianist" anyway?? Love your list. I know nothing for sure.

Stefani said...

This makes me laugh. I need this today. Thanks!

mormonhermitmom said...

:) At least home teachers come to visit you. Although now....

Brent Taylor said...

So when the HT's show up next for Christmas caroling bearing candles you'll know why.

Jill said...

What a great blog "You go Girl!" How was that?

Paige said...

You go, girl!

See, I pulled it off. I'm that cool.

Vennesa said...

It doesn't matter if you eat healthy or not. It's the Fiber One Bars! Seriously. Google it.
One lady said that her drug free childbirth was much more comfortable than her brush with the Fiber One bar.
They are delicious, but I'll pass.
(no pun intended):)

Lorie said...

For some reason "You Go Girl" reminds me of our red-headed friend in P.C. You are right, no woman (or white man, for that matter) can pull it off.

On a different topic, I do look pretty good when I "raise the roof". :)

Amen on I-80! It's the worst!