Monday, June 6, 2011

If He Were In Charge Of The World

Mama's feeling kind of sick today.  Not the nighttime-sniffling-sneezing-coughing-aching-stuffy head-fever kind of sick, but the kind that still manages to flip my stomach into small, achy knots and my heart to crawl into the fetal position.  My head is telling me to knock it off but my heart is having a hard time listening.  Sometimes it's the opposite and my heart is the voice of reason while my head gets all freaked out.  I think it would be nice if the two could just get along every once in a while - is that too much to ask?  In the meantime I have to work out the dissonance, as no signs of cooperation seem to be present at the moment.

My head knows I'm just being a baby.  It's only the last day of elementary school not the freakin' Apocalypse.  But see, it's not just the last day of elementary school this year, it's the last day of elementary school at my house...FOREVER.  As it turns out, forever is actually a really long time.  Even Vannah White is eventually going to get arthritis and be unable to turn those letters and when she does, I will STILL not have a kid in elementary school.  At some point Days of Our Lives will go off the air leaving single women in their 80's with nothing more to do but stay prompt at their weekly hair appointments and keep their cats alive and even then, I will still not have any children in elementary school.  As sure as Justin Bieber will soon grace the Enquirer as a menace to society I am officially done with grades K-5.

I don't mind that Drew is getting older.  (lies)  I don't mind that he is getting taller and smarter and going to puberty class.  (lies lies lies)  More than anything I'm just not ready for the world to take my boy away.  It's like preparing to send an Amish 3-year-old onto the set of Toddlers and Tiaras.  Why?  How?  And why  again?

As he emptied out his backpack today and seemed to be unloading our nation's tax code on the counter, I found this poem he had written among the wreckage:

If I were in charge of the world,
I'd cancel homework,
School on Tuesdays and Fridays,
Mean teachers, and also
Miley Cyrus.

If I were in charge of the world
There'd be donuts two times bigger,
An island made of cheese,
And pizza places who sell bigger pizzas.

If I were in charge of the world,
You wouldn't have vegetables,
You wouldn't have cigarettes,
You wouldn't have gas powered cars.
Or "Don't forget to brush."
You wouldn't even have dirty teeth.

If I were in charge of the world,
Ice cream would be a vegetable.
All PG movies would be "G".
And a person who didn't brush
And sometimes forgets to empty the dishwasher
Would still be allowed to be
In charge of the world.

I don't want him to grow up but I have to hand it to him; bigger donuts?  No Miley?  An island made of cheese?  It's definitely intriguing.


Stacy Q said...

Poetry.... pure poetry.

Thelissa said...

OOOOoohhhhhhhh...:( (sniff, sniff). I'm a little heart sick on your behalf!

Kelly said...

That is one impressive poem! I hate it when they grow up too. Parenthood is painful.

Kristina P. said...

Ha! I love it! I am with him about Miley Cyrus.

anitamombanita said...

Awesome poem! As for you, Momma Vern, this is not the end. It's just the beginning of something new and different. (Ha, don't you hate platitudes?) Hang in there. You'll be just fine!

wjmom said...

This is a young man who has definitely been listening to his Mama. He will be fine. So will you, but in the meantime, my heart will ache with yours.

mormonhermitmom said...

Now THAT'S poetry!

Lorie said...

But look on the bright side, Vern. Those puberty classes will in turn prepare him (and you) for the next glorious phase of life, which is that of being a grandparent! I hear that part is better anyway. Let me know because I'm a lot further away from that phase than you are. Hahaha....

Dransfield Diaries said...

Wow, quite the poet.

Garden of Egan said...

Ya. It does go too fast.

Stefani said...

This poem proves he's ready to grow up. I love it so much!

beanstocks said...

Love it. I'm with him on the bigger donuts, and for sure the no homework. Just don't tell my kids. I think I hate homework more than they do, ;)

Jill said...

"There wouldn't be vegetables" I knew I loved Drew.