Tuesday, December 6, 2011

My Christmas Wish

The truth?  (Note to my niece Rachel:  I hope you are sitting down.)

I want to get my kids a dog for Christmas.

I've envisioned the scene in my head numerous times; we would open all the presents on Christmas morning and then Cory and I would say, "Oh wait, we forgot one," and then we would walk to the garage, carefully lift the one box with holes in the top, and present it to the kids.  They might look confused for a moment and then a tiny bark would escape from within, causing their eyes to bulge out like a balloon in the death grip of a toddler.  There would be screaming, hugging, and potentially a few tears as they unwrapped the one gift they never thought they would ever get in their whole life, and right then and there as those dark brown eyes peer at them from under the gift wrap they would receive all their answers to the meaning of life.  Most importantly, they would learn once and for all that yes, their mother loves them THAT much.  The kids would frolic with the dog in the house for a while, maybe take him for a walk, chattering all the while about OH-MY-GOSH-THE-BEGGING-AND-GUILT-TRIPS-FINALLY-WORKED! and they would want to sleep in the same room as the puppy on that first night so it wouldn't be scared.

And the next morning I would wake up and say, "Well, that was fun!" and take the dog back to the store.  Breeder.  Pound.  Whatever.

Because that's really the only reason I want to get the kids a dog, so I can see the look on their face when we give it to them.  After that it's just vet bills and watching them eat their own poop, like urinating off the balcony on your honeymoon.  What do you think, can a person survive that kind of psychological damage or should I just stick with plan A and get them iCrap and video games?

18 comments:

the emily said...

My husband (then-boyfriend) got my a puppy for Christmas. During finals week. It was no bueno. Soo cute and fun for like an hour and then WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? every second after that. soo...if the kids will definitely clean it/brush its teeth/bathe it/wash its dog bed/feed it/pick up its poop/pick out pokies in its foot, go for it. If not, DON'T.

anitamombanita said...

iCrap and video games. If they need a dog fix, bring them to visit us. ;)

Kristina P. said...

I want to do this for my husband! He has wanted an English Bulldog for SOOOOOO long. But they are too damn pricey. Stupid English things.

pdx2012 said...

I am in exactly the same spot as you! My kids are begging for a dog, divorce this past year brings heaps of more guilt on my head, but I am not an animal lover and probably am not ready for a puppy. I am realist and I know the amount of work this will bring. I wish there was some kind of short term loan that I knew would end and we could then say we've had this experience. Kind of like having an exchange student.. not indefinitely.

Vennesa said...

Stay strong! You're not alone. Say it one more time: You're not alone.

We haven't given in yet either.:)

leslie s said...

I just gave in and I'm SO glad that I did. Let me say this, I'M NOT A PET PERSON, and I swore I would NEVER have a pet in MY house - NEVER!!... It's been a month since we got our pet, and I can say it is worth it, seeing the kids first smiles, and the second, and so on, SO worth it. Plus you know what 'they' say... they say that happy people 1) give hugs 2) server others 3) exercise, AND 4) OWN A PET!!! (Ya, that made the list.) Who knew that true happiness came wrapped in fur and stood on four legs. I know some will argue that the unhappy list would include the last two items on the happy list, but It's really not so bad. So, my vote,..Give the gift of happiness to your family.

violyngirl said...

iCrap

laurie said...

My two cents as a mother with a house hold of puppy-starved children. We have done exactly what you described ( a few times) and it always ends with chewed up shoes, urine stains, whining children about "why do I have to clean up the poop?" and ME taking care of the dog. Finally ending in a trip to the pound. Unless YOU love dogs - dont' do it!!!

Stefani said...

Our dogs are there for everyone all the time no matter what. More than I can say for myself during certain times of the month. My daughter who is in her first semester of college misses the dogs the most (and her family second most). They are work, but worth it. Kinda like kids.

Ria's Random Thoughts said...

Oh Vern, what the heck are you thinking?
Just know this, no matter how much they promise, you will be the one taking care of the dog most of the time because they will be at work or at school.
If you do it, get something small that doesn't shed and that isn't a pure bred (less health problems).
And set aside at least 2 grand because they are expensive.
And Easter is a way better time to potty train a dog because you will be outside a lot.
Good luck!

Carly said...

I went to a friend's house the other night and we spent the entire 3 hours trying to keep her dog from biting my baby's feet and eating my shoes and knocking me to the ground. We thought she would tire out and get used to us being there, but I guess I'm just too exciting. This dog has been professionally trained, too, sooooo...yeah. Dogs suck. I wish you could have both the happiness and be dogless, too.

Rachey said...

Ha ha, that does seem cruel and unusual, but I totally get what you are saying! There is a part of me that thinks you might be surprised that you actually end up liking having a dog! But then there is the other part of me that remembers how much I hated my dog for the last year (I love her again as of a couple of weeks ago) because she was just one extra thing I had to deal with. Now that we are friends again I am glad we have her, although I do hate having to find/pay someone to watch her whenever we want to go out of town.

Kerri said...

Okay - I am a lifelong pet owner. You know my experiences. I had a love/hate relationship with our dog and I'm an animal lover. They are time consuming; they can get expensive; you can't vacation whenever you want because you have to find a dog sitter/kennel/sucker friend first. When my mom was dying and I just wanted to GET there, we spent many hours locating someone to stay at our house and look after the dog and cats. Think this through hard. Let your kids play with other people's pets. They will say they'll take care of them but Jay and I did most of it, except for occasional walks. The thrill does wear off. Pets live 10-18 years, so it's a long, long commitment. Yes, there are many good things but don't forget how much you MIGHT regret and thus, regret the dog - every time you come home to urine, poop, throw up on the floor, chewed up favorite stuffed animals (I'm not even mentioning the kid's stuffed animals and other toys!) and your dress clothes covered in hair even as you vacuum and brush the dog daily. Remember all the times you came to my house and Daisy barked her head off? Remember how exasperated I was? Okay, that's my reminder. If I had no pets (we still have our cats) I'd probably miss not having one. But I wouldn't miss the freedom of it one bit.

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

I think you have hit on the most universal problem in the world. Urm, Universe. Personally, I'd get the puppy but anyone who knows me would tell you that's what I'd go for. Having had 5 kids I can tell you one thing for sure. DO NOT get a puppy if it isn't YOUR idea. You are the one who will ultimately deal with it because as you know, kids have short attention spans. My niece's brother gave her a puppy for a wedding present. I thought it was awesome at the time but it turns out - not so much. If you do decide to get a puppy let me know. I have a friend with 6 week old GoldenDoodle pups. (In Escondido) There are moments when I think I should have just had puppies instead of kids. No. Seriously.

Dix and Lynn said...

I know someone in the same predicament....they really don't have a yard....so they take care of OTHER people's cute dogs when they go away....Best of both worlds!

Suburban Correspondent said...

Oh, my gosh - we are soul sisters. I am so with you on this one.

Vanessa said...

Our friend calculated how many years left she had the kids in the house, found a dog that would live that amount of time and no longer.....classic.

Garden of Egan said...

YOU are hilarious!
Unfortunately, I did the whole "get the kid an animal to see there face" thing. But I didn't realize that's what I was doing.
Thanks for giving words to my failed attempt at enjoying something I was guilted into and paid heavily for for years!