Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Top 10 Signs You Are About To Have A Redneck Moment

10. While your parents are visiting, you decide to take on a large home improvement project

9. With 40 minutes to spare before picking your children up from school, you and your mom decide that you have ample time to choose, purchase, load and unload a shower that is roughly the size of Montana

8. When the cashier pages for additional muscles to help with the loading portion, a kid that resembles your 8th grade crush appears

7. When your 8th grade crush realizes the task for which he has been paged, his eyes get big and his ego doesn’t hesitate to ask for more help

6. So then your 9th grade crush shows up

5. After putting down all the seats and filling the interior of the car, your 9th grade crush announces that they will need to tie down the rest

4. He comes back with dental floss

3. When finished, they caution you to take the corners really slow on your way home

2. Five minutes into the 10-minute drive home your mother says, “Hey Kris? I think you need to pull over.”

1. And by the time we secure our cargo that was put together by Boy Scout dropouts, it is time to pick up the kids from school. And with many distractions to follow during the rest of the day, we decide to wait until tomorrow to unload. I make a mental note to drive my dad’s car to take the kids to school in the morning. And then when I went out this morning I realized that I should have shared my mental note with my father because he was long gone, probably already into deep conversation with a guy named “Wylie” in the plumbing department at Home Depot. And so I took the kids to school without seatbelts, in the front seat with an airbag, told them to shield themselves with their backpacks, and drove Montana through the school drop-off.


Anonymous said...

You crack me up! I remember hauling a huge shower surround on the top of our geo metro. We each had to hold on to the side out of the window, so it wouldn't blow off. I'm glad that a cop didn't see us trying to do that one!

Kerri said...

Oh my gosh, that so explains the scene from National Lampoon's Vacation! I wondered what the heck you were up to.

When we first moved into this house, Jay brought home a curio cabinet on the top of his little Mitzubishi! How he managed, one hand on it all the way on the highway, I have no idea. I'm just glad it made it here in one piece.