You know how some people have a list of things they want to do before they die?
Well, I have a new wish, and it all started with a visit from Cory's parents a couple of weeks ago. One of the things we did with them was visit the "Bass Pro Shop". Are you familiar with this place? If not, you should understand that this is no ordinary store. Similar to a place called "Cabela's", this is the ultimate camping/hunting/fishing establishment and is not for the faint of heart. It is a place where you could not be surrounded by more testosterone if you were standing in the middle of a sperm bank. The famous "lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" line takes on a whole meaning as you walk in and dozens of pairs of eyes are immediately staring at you from above in an area created after the likeness of the terrain and wildlife of the Rocky Mountains. "See kids? I TOLD you they had tons of stuffed animals here!" I shouted as I pointed up. They don't think I'm funny. Luckily I've always got myself to fall back on.
The square footage of this store is such that upon entering you are met by zoo-like assistants bearing maps near their information center. And not to be outdone by any other self-respecting retail joint, a Starbucks connected the area between the fishing rods and camouflage. The kids spent several minutes observing the aquarium after which Samantha scaled the rock wall and rang the bell at the top. Near the Children's section (we're shopping with Grandma, let's not forget how vulnerable she is) was an enormous stuffed grizzly bear, in half mid-air, simulating an attack upon a wolf, also in mid-air and inches away from his fatal encounter.
And that's when it hit me that one thing I'd like to see before I die is Susan Sarandon and Rosie O'Donnell in the Brass Pro Shop. Let's see, I'd need a camcorder, some popcorn, a little soda, maybe some licorice, I'll wear my mink...oh yeah, I'm so adding that to my list.