To Whom It May Concern:

I told my kids that I would be back in half an hour, just enough time to pick up some vegetables for a bridal shower and run through your establishment’s drive-thru for some sausage mcmuffins, a rare but occasional Saturday morning indulgence for the young ones at my house. I was surprised to find a very long line of cars at your drive thru near the end of your breakfast shift, so I opted to come inside. It did not take long to sense the agitation of other customers in front of me who appeared to have been waiting a while. But for a company that put the “fast” in food, I judged them as being too immersed in the “I want it NOW” attitude that is so prevalent in today’s culture and determined to be more patient than they. So I waited without complaint, as it appeared that everyone behind the counter was working very hard. I waited for ten minutes…then fifteen…and then your gentleman [at least I think it was a guy - the man boobs and ponytail kind of threw me off, but I’m sticking with the male assumption] at the register changed the overhead menu to the lunch options. I started to feel a little agitated when the salads and cheeseburgers began being delivered to customers who had only just arrived and I was still waiting for your hen to lay her eggs. You think I’m kidding, but after TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES of already waiting I saw your manager return from the back of the room carrying three eggs in the palm of her hand and shaking her head. The dude (?) at the cash register was standing with his arms casually gripping the side of his machine with all his weight shifted to one side, staring straight ahead as if to say, “Sorry, helping is not actually my job. Taking orders is my job. I take orders, and give the receipts to that lady over there. That’s what I do. So don’t look at me.” Finally, after thirty minutes of waiting I received my order. Your staff threw in an extra mcmuffin and a cup of orange juice, and though I had prepared a nice little speech for your manager I was more interested in getting home. You bought me off with a sandwich and some OJ, but now that I’m home I think you owe me more than that. Cholesterol and stress can be a deadly combination, so when you think about it you very nearly killed me today. Just thought you should know.