Saturday, April 24, 2010

The Rules of Dance

Having turned 14, my daughter is officially old enough to attend the monthly church dances – I am currently waiting for her to get back from her very first one. Now, I’m not the kind of mother to fret and cry and clamor for the walls while someone drags me out screaming, “My Baby!” as she continues to grow and mature and care about, [lowers to a whisper, looks around to see if anyone is listening] BOYS. I’m actually quite thrilled for her and hope she has a really great time. However, I would like to take this opportunity to define a “really great time” just in case she’s reading.

The Rules of Dance – from your Mother Who Knows

1. If the guy you are slow dancing with is singing the song in your ear while you sway, HE IS NOT FOR YOU. This is particularly true with “Lady In Red” and anything by Chicago .
2. If the guy is super hot and polite, you can let rule #1 slide.
3. If you are standing next to a guy who asks you to look in his cup of punch, and you do, and then he says, “Oh, look. You made my ice melt”, this is a line he learned at EFY and he is only trying to make out with you. And I don’t care what Ganelle told you, making out is TOTALLY out of the question until you’re like, 30. As if.
4. Have I mentioned that you are not old enough to be making out? Or kissing at all, really? Let me be clear, I am totally fine with you having crushes on boys as long as all you do is practice your signature with his last name inserted on your notebooks. To sum up: Practicing signature using crush’s name = Cool. Making out = NOT cool.
5. You must spend at least equal time dancing as you do in the bathroom with your friends putting on more mascara. Disregarding this rule will disappoint your great-grandmother who will surely be watching from a room in heaven during the commercials of “Dancing With The Stars”. [Note: Before leaving for tonight’s dance I offered to show her some last minute dance moves to help her get her groove on. She said, “Uh...seeing as the dance tips would be coming from YOU, I think I’ll pass.” She knows how to make an old girl feel good.]
6. Don’t fight “YMCA”, just embrace it. It’s not going anywhere.
7. Remember, keep a Bible’s width apart when slow dancing! This is a lame rule when you are 14, but when you are the MOTHER of a 14-year-old you’re like, “Who made that rule? I would like to send them some flowers, chocolates and a thank you note.”
8. If there is a lull in the festivities of the night I recommend making fun of the chaperones, particularly if they are operating under the notion that waltzing is what all the cool kids are doing. Still, you might consider going out of your way to take them some punch and introducing yourself. There’s a good chance they are the parents of the hottest guy there.

What can I say? It worked for me.

23 comments:

Gerbera Daisy Mom said...

As for #1 -- if it's anything by Journey -- all bets are off!

just call me jo said...

Adorable list and very wise. I fear that 14 year olds are getting more savy than they were even when my daughter was that age. I loved the list. Stick to your guns, Mom!

tawnya said...

1,2 and 6 made me laugh out loud...

Musicmom-Amy said...

Just be a chaperone! The Stake leaders will LOVE you. Your daughter? Maybe not so much. :D

ganelle said...

HEY!!!


well, maybe...

Stefani said...

This is a very appropriate subject in our house right now. My 17 year old went to Mormon Prom last night with a... gasp... DATE!

We were also talking with my 14 year old about the space of a Book of Mormon between you rule. She had never heard of that rule and she's almost 15 (I'm feeling like a failure as a parent - I should send her to your blog)

Thanks for the good laugh
Oh ya, and you learn a lot by being a Chaperone, driving kids to/from, or showing up 15 minutes early to pick them up.

the emily said...

Ugh. The church dances were so lame when I was growing up. No chances for smooching there. Too bad you're not in Albuquerque.

Stephanette said...

Oh, if only someone had told me about #1...it would have saved me a whole semester of my dating life at BYU! Dang it...thank heavens you can help her with all of those pitfalls.

5star said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tia Juana said...

I am quite certain that when they release you from being the RS Prez then they are going to call you to be in the Stake YW and when they do, let me be the first to give you a little advice:

* No matter what, do not have Pixie stix on hand for refreshments. They are like Mormon Crack and the kids will be on the roof - seriously, ON THE ROOF!

* If the Stake Priesthood leaders - i.e. the other leaders in charge - have a regional training meeting on the same night that Pixie Stix are distributed, just call the whole thing off right then and there or else YOU will be the one going on the roof.

* M&Ms on the refreshment table will be used as weapons of mass destruction and are a PAIN to pick up when all is said and done.

* While M&Ms are a no, grapes are always popular and you will always run out. Strangely, they are actually eaten because even though you may expect to find the grapes under the chairs, you will not.

* So, to sum up - no candy, just grapes, bring men.

*And, as a chaperone, the best way to clear a bathroom is to walk in and start asking the 14 year old girls if they have a tampon you could have. They will clear that room faster than you can say "Edward Cullen just walked in to the gym" and they will not return.

Mom of Three said...

All I know is that the dance Gem went to was not at all like the ones I attended. There were only about 60 people there and way less boys than girls. She danced one slow dance, since there were only a few. Apparently you only dance with boys when you are slow dancing now. She thought it was lame. That made me so sad...

Heather said...

Seeing as these rules came from you... I love 'em.

Heather said...

Emily the ABQ dances were pretty lame...

mormonhermitmom said...

My oldest is turning 13 soon. I will print this and present it to her on her 14th. Thank you!

rocslinger said...

It's a good thing that you blog about your daughter. It gives me a heads up on whats comming my way in regards to mine......Than again maybe not such a good thing. I'm glad she's growing up I really am. Know of any good convents?

Meg said...

Love it!!

Patty Ann said...

You always set the rules a little higher than you can live with, because, believe me, they can and will test the limits!! Also, I tell my girls they can't date until they are 30! Sigh, my 13 year old said last night, "Mom, the prophet says 16!" Who would have thought that they would listen to the prophet!! :-)

Paige said...

Great list. I'm just thankful that my newly aged 16 year old son and 14 year old daughter don't think those dances are all that fun.

Kristi said...

so, I'm reading this and should be thinking "great rules for kids" but in reality I'm remembering the VLC, do you suppose we will be able to convince our kids that it really was a cool club?

Vern said...

Kristi: I've got my fingers crossed but my eyes are WIDE OPEN!

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

Regarding #1: Oh. my. goodness. Just this weekend I told my friend the story about the date who sang me "Lady in Red" at a dance.

SO funny. A great list. Someday you're daughter will worship your wisdom. :)

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

ACK!! I just wrote you're instead of your. I might need to punish myself.

Brianne said...

Oh MY Gosh. Lets rewind back to the time I was almost 16...standing on the dance floor at Aspen Grove.

Slow dance comes on and after a few still moments tall girl slowly slurps to the edge of the room, used to the fact that nobody asked her to dance.

Suddenly appear my two dancing aunts with Uncle Corey along side asking me who I think is a "hottie" and telling me who he thinks is. Suzy says, "Ok, nobody is going to ask you to dance if you stand there with your arms folded across your chest. You need to be approachable. Put your arms down by your side. And add a pleasant expression to your face."

I was shocked when it worked. I don't know who paid him off but the next guy to ask me to dance was in deed the hottest one, and I got to hear about it all night long thanks to you guys!