Monday, July 26, 2010

You Should Probably See The Movie First

When it comes to movies, I’m not very deep or particularly bright. I’m all about the mind candy when it comes to films. This explains why I’ve seen “While You Were Sleeping” about 78 times yet still haven’t found the time to rent “Schindler’s List”. Also, a movie needs to ease into the plot in order for me to keep up. I need a good three handfuls of popcorn and a couple of leisurely sips of my soda before anyone starts shooting or using long words. If the opening scene is a guy chasing another guy with a gun I am lost right away. Which one is the good guy? Who do I root for? What is the conflict? Did someone forget to pay taxes? Or forget to tell his best friend that he was sleeping with his wife? Starting from the end and having to catch up feels like someone trying to tell you about the slumber party you missed out on when everybody went skinny dipping; while everyone else is blabbing about how funny it was and who jumped in first, you’re like, “Wait, what?! Whose idea was THAT? Was it dark? Was everyone sober? High on the artificial coloring in Cheetos? Was it a heated pool? Did anyone see you? Did you get in trouble?” It’s too late. You missed it.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I saw “Inception” over the weekend. Everyone is saying what a good movie it is, and they’re probably right. They’re also probably smarter than I am. I didn’t quite get it – everything happened too fast and since I’m also not the annoying kind who likes to ask a lot of questions during movies, I just sat there going, “Why is there so much fighting in this person’s subconscious? And why does Leonardo diCaprio keep spinning a dreidel? Why is that guy tying up all the floating, sleeping people? They look perfectly happy to me. Wait, didn’t that guy die? I like Ellen Page, she just doesn’t strike me as the architect of the virtual mind type. She was more believable as a knocked up teenager. When is that van going to fall in the river already? Hasn’t it been like, 18 minutes when they said they only had 2 minutes to go before they all ended up in limbo?” Before you know it they’re all on a plane drinking cocktails as if nothing happened. I was all, “Dude, he just saved your LIFE! The least you could do is say ‘hello’!” I mean, after spending 10 years with someone in a dream don’t you think you’d at LEAST offer a polite nod over your glass of champagne? Then again, maybe it wasn’t actually 10 years in the dream. I didn’t get it, remember?

Here’s a perfect example of why I was too stupid for this movie. Near the beginning, the main character says, “What’s the most resilient parasite? An idea. A single idea from the human mind can build cities. An idea can transform the world and rewrite all the rules. Which is why I have to steal it.” I think I’m supposed to arrive at the same conclusion that he does in the same amount of time by following his thought process, but by the time he gets to the “why I have to steal it” part, I’m still thinking, “Have I ever known a resilient parasite? And does a praying mantis count? Because I can sorta see how that might work.” By the time I reconcile THAT, I’m on to wondering, “If a single idea can build cities, what does that say for Iowa?” By the time I figure that out, Leonardo diCaprio is holding hands with his dead wife, trying to explain to her that she, SHE, is delusional. (He’s such a GUY!)

From Inception:
You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You can't be sure where it will take you. But it doesn't matter - because we'll be together.

I still don’t get it. And for the record, I think it DOES matter where that train is going.

From While You Were Sleeping:
Jack: “Tell me about your Dad, what was he like?”
Lucy: “He was a lot like me, brown hair, flat chest.”

See? Now THAT I understand.

18 comments:

ganelle said...

I've heard that same kind of feedback from a lot of people. And as a person who doesn't get to a lot of movies in the first place? I think I'll just skip it. Thanks for the warning.

Jillybean said...

My husband wants to go see this movie. Now I'm not so sure.
I like movies that don't make me think too much.

Patty Ann said...

Well, I think the guys can go have a guys night out for this one, and I will save my money on the "happily ever after" type of movie. I am all about the ending. I am also all about the non-violent movies. It looks like a good movie, just not for me. I get way too stressed out!!!

Kerri said...

I like movies where the lines that are supposed to be profound actually are - rather than stupid.

JustRandi said...

I have enough trouble figuring out my OWN life.
I have no spare brainpower whatsoever for someone else's life. Or death. or dream. or whatever.

thanks for the warning!!

Amy said...

I heart While You Were Sleeping. And I heart you.

jksfam said...

What Amy said... :)

rocslinger said...

I just watched Momento, you might want to skip that one too.

Sometimes I think that movie makers try too hard to prove how much smarter they are than us "unwashed masses".

Heather said...

Yeah, I'm with ya. If I wanted to think I'd read a book!

Anyone love Where the Heart is? Really, a teenager living Wal*Mart- classic!

Heather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stefani said...

I haven't seen Inception yet, but I can TOTALLY relate to your comment about While You Were Sleeping and Schindler's List.

These mashed potatoes are so creamy!

mormonhermitmom said...

Sounds like a movie you have to watch while high on glue fumes. Shuckydarn! I'm all outta glue!

Buffy said...

wow....I mean...wow...
I don't know if I can see it now.
I'm more of the I have to know what everything means type...I like predictable, i love it when I can guess the ending...doesn't sound like my movie.

Bryn said...

I loved the movie but I like the kind that make you think and yes there was a lot of that and a lot of things I probably missed. I'm sure I could see it several times and I would still be figuring things out. I'm with you on Ellen Page though, I wasn't quite sold on her being the type. I think she was the eye candy for the movie!

Jill said...

I loved "While you were sleeping" but I want to wax that guys eyebrows.

Ashley's "Random Ruminations" said...

I know I made the right choice when my sister and I went to see a movie at 10:30 the other night. We settled on SALT instead of INCEPTION. I was a bit confused with SALT, but this one may need to be a rental so I can pause and regroup. Thanks for making me laugh, I found your blog through Refreshments awhile ago and have followed ever since. Kinda creepy I know..

Brent Taylor said...

We watch a lot of movies -- at home on DVD where you can pause (for whatever is in the kitchen that you want [at cost] or use your own bathroom), rewind, slow-mo, put on English sub-titles and watch those extras to find out what they were thinking when they made the movie.

Not seeing any really great movies of late.

But there was a birthday request to attend Inception in the theater. At this point Inception and those blue guys in Avatar are vying for best picture. Inception is hands down the winner there. A GREAT movie! Top 100 all time easily. Well cast. Well written.

But agreed -- you need to pay attention. But really wasn't hard to understand. Made sense. Apparently the end is questioned... and therefore the whole movie. That's good, too.

b. said...

I didn't get it either.
There was a lot of action...and Leonardo was handsome. That's all.

I loved Where the Heart is!