Monday, August 2, 2010

A Nice Day For A White Wedding

I love looking at wedding pictures. It doesn’t matter whose they are, unless they are not people then I’m definitely not interested. You know what else? I don’t think people getting married who are not people are interested either.  Take these two for example:



Have I mentioned that I can read animals’ minds?  I bet you didn’t know that about me - I try to keep that kind of information on the down low because I don’t want to freak people out. It’s enough that I bake bread, go to church for three hours on Sunday and tell my kids that we shouldn’t say “freakin’”. And then I turn around and say dammit. Seriously though, I know what these cats are thinking. The one on the left: “I don’t even like Harry Potter OR Charlie Chaplin.” The one on the right just found out that her betrothed requested “Stray Cat Strut” for their first dance. Looks like someone just had their first cat fight.


 
These two are quite a lovely pair.  This is a special case because not only can I read their minds, but I can ascertain their life history.  The boy dog:  Never had much luck with women.  Passed dog school by a thin margin, boasting mediocre scores in digging holes and catching frisbees - higher test results may have been possible if not for his tendency to become easily distracted by squirrels.  Completely unaware of his carelessness, but easily forgiven for smiling a lot.  Stoked to be getting married.  The girl dog:  Was teased by a chihuahua once for being chubby.  She took him down and nobody ever bothered her again, thus commencing her life of crime.  Was headed down a shady path until she was recruited by a Doberman for his dog rugby team where she found her niche and made her peace.  That's where these two met - the boy dog was her waterboy.  His proposal:  "It's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearing milk bone underwear.  Wanna get a matching pair?  For as long as we both shall live?"  She said, "What color?"  He said, "Black."  She said, "Okay."  And that's when he snuck in his request that she wear a little pink for the wedding.  I think we can see how she feels about that.  Now they're standing in their reception line; the boy dog sees the line dwindling down and is excited to start the honeymoon, and the girl just started her period.  She hasn't told him yet.  Still, something tells me these two will be quite happy together.  (Don't try to tell me you don't see it.)
 
I originally started this post intending to talk about the Clinton wedding over the weekend, now I don't really want to go into it.  I guess it's just as well - I suppose there's enough similarities to call it good.

8 comments:

Karen said...

You need so much therapy.

You're welcome to join me at my session this Thursday.

Vern said...

Karen: Do you get a special deal when you do 2 for 1? I'm all over it.

[Stacia] said...

LOL! I agree with Karen. Or, maybe you just need something more to do with your time? ;) But I really want to hear your take on the Clinton wedding.... please?

mormonhermitmom said...

Doolittle got nothin on you babe!

Rachey said...

This was so much fun to read:)

Rachey said...

P.S. I like the way you think.

rocslinger said...

You must come over and read our cats minds sometime, The destructive one in particular.

Vern's new vocation, Animal whisperer, could be lucrative.

aaand yeah, I recomend therapy.

Ashly said...

oh h*ll. that was funny..I don't care who y'are- that was *funny*.