Sunday, August 22, 2010

That's The Problem With Summer Lovin', It Happens So FAST!

School starts tomorrow. I’m usually turning cartwheels right about now (if I knew how to do a cartwheel, that is - work with me) ((it’s not that I’m lame, okay it is, but it’s ALSO because there was this one time I was trying to do flips on my bed and I sort of almost killed myself and I shrank from all forms of gymnastics after that)) (((plus, I’m only two inches shy of six feet tall, which sounds taller than saying I’m 5’10” and therefore a more reputable excuse for avoiding hurling my body in circles on the grass))) anyway THE POINT IS, I’m not only not turning cartwheels right now because I CAN’T but because I DON’T WANT TO. As it turns out, all those messages in my yearbook from 1987 have come true – I’ve had a rad summer. Not just because my DVR has recorded all the episodes of “Modern Family” (And I have watched them all. TWICE. And the one about ADD three times.), but because it’s been relaxing, enjoyable, filled with little bickering, a fabulous road trip, and several runs to Sonic happy hour. So, as my final hours of summer wind down, I would like to share some of my favorite summer moments.

FAVORITE SIGN: (Spotted at my local vet’s office) “WE LIKE BIG MUTTS AND WE CANNOT LIE”
FAVORITE LESSON LEARNED:  When making macaroni and cheese, Vanilla Soy Milk is not a suitable substitute for regular milk in a pinch.  For reals, do not try this at home. 
FAVORITE DELIVERY: My friend Cheryl’s cinnamon rolls – they were still warm when her daughter brought them to my door and I felt like Esther from the Bible: “And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” After the first bite, I knew - I have fulfilled my purpose. (What? She’s using Biblical references to make jokes now? What is WRONG with this woman?)
FAVORITE MOCKING OPPORTUNITY: The Rodeo Queen Pageant in Montana.  Specifically, the interview portion.  I have to say, the part when the interviewer had to explain to the contestant what she meant by asking about her “greatest asset” was a highlight. (Her answer? “Snowboarding”. I guess a solid foundation in moguls is really helpful experience when trying to rope a steer.) (Now she’s making fun of young girls trying to make a difference through Rodeo? Has she NO CLUE how long it took that poor girl to Bedazzle her collar? 
FAVORITE PART OF OUR ROAD TRIP: Leaving I-80 in Wyoming. Though I’ve never heard it mentioned, I swear some of our pioneer ancestors must have died of boredom during that leg of their journey. I had air conditioning, jolly ranchers and season 2 of “The Office” and I barely made it. P.S. IF THIS DRIVE WAS ANY LONGER, I WOULD BE IN MENOPAUSE BY NOW. Wait…. (Making light of our pioneer heritage?! That’s IT! She has CROSSED. THE LINE.)
FAVORITE T-SHIRT: Discovered on a group of polygamist brothers getting ready to run a marathon together, they got matching shirts that said, “Our Moms Can Beat Up Your Mom”. True story. I’m not a fan of polygamy, but how can I not love that?
Some of my FAVORITE FRIENDS who moved away and made my life suck:






Goodbye summer.  K.I.T.


Heather said...

Not to be a open stalker, but you have got to be one of THE most hilarious women around!
All those 'inappropriate' things you say, we are all thinking it!
Keep it up, your blog is one of my favourites!

just call me jo said...

Delightful post. Montana? Boring? Heck yeh! So is some of Idaho, Utah, Nevada, and Arizona. I'm sure there are others but I haven't been there. Enjoy the end of summer.

Vern said...

Heather: Thanks for stalking openly. It's better that way.

tawnya said...

Ok. So, we're headed to Denver in a couple of weeks and keep being warned about the i-80 through wyoming terror. At first I laughed it off. Then I started being concerned. Now I'm fearing for my life. Sigh...I do hate my period, though, so if it'll bring on menopause...

Heather said...

Vanilla Soy Milk, honestly?

Good thing you are funny. It makes up for the non-cartwheeling, sarcastic, unawesome parallel parker that you are! (((kidding about the last one, don't kill me)))

Stefani said...

I agree with Heather, you are one of THE most hilarious women around!

I guess all I can say is... "Stay Sweet" and K.I.T.

Bethany said...

OK. the Modern Family episode about ADD. SOOOOOOOO Funny. I laughed for three weeks. I had to show my husband the clip on Hulu of the dad in the garage. Totally my hubby.
But you my dear, are just as funny.Seriously.
PS You didn't post my photo in the friends who moved away and therefore ruined your life. What's up with that?

Peg said...

AMEN to the Wyoming part. We went to Martin's Cove over Memorial Weekend and I swear it was the lone and dreary world.

Vern said...

Bethany: Trust me, you've ruined my life PLENTY. :)

theloulie said...

I grew up in Wyoming on 1-80. Couldn't wait to move. Then I moved to a small town near Death Valley and discovered there are worse places than I-80.

I enjoy blurking your blog. You brighten up a place worse than I-80.

mormonhermitmom said...

They didn't want "brothas from otha mothas" on their t-shirts?! That was a gimme!

rocslinger said...

I prefer my I80 boring, it beats the heck out of the excitement you get from it in the winter.

Vern said...

the loulie: I'm not sure what you did to deserve going from Wyoming to Death Valley, but I think you need to fire your life coach. :)