Friday, November 11, 2011

Keeping Mediocrity Alive

As a self proclaimed expert on mediocrity it shouldn't really surprise me when people aren't all that impressed by me.  It's not like I don't try, I'm just regularly upstaged.  Like in 5th grade when we had a cake decorating contest.  I thought, "Dude, I've GOT this."  Because I made a cake in the shape of a BAND-AID!  And surely nobody else was going to think of that, and if they did I bet they didn't make their cake from SCRATCH let alone use highly evolved tools like a toothpick to add texture, and who doesn't like to think about scabs and neosporin when biting down on a nice layer of buttercream anyway?  Like I said, I had this in the bag.

What I hadn't counted on was the castle cake.  Needless to say, sugar cone towers swathed in sparkly, blue sugar quickly relegated the band-aid cake to the honorable mention table.  My cake wasn't bad, it just wasn't the best.  Which was okay, it probably prepared me to ride the bench throughout my high school basketball career.  Which reminds me, the bench?  WHERE THE MEDIOCRE PEOPLE GO.  People like me were the ones who got invited to the party with the new Dutch exchange student who was cuter than a pillow pet at a carnival, but the Friday night one-on-one date always went to the starting forward, no matter how good I was at burping the alphabet to try and impress him.

At any rate, I like to think of this blog as an avenue for embracing my mediocrity, a place where I can say, "I never took a high school AP class and still got several B's," and you might like me anyway.  A place where I can vent about being voted the 'Just Happy To Be Here' award at Girls' Camp in 1983, which I am still bitter about.  I mean, really?  "Just Happy To Be Here?!"  That's the award for the girl who takes to macrame like Octa-Mom to the tabloids, declines your licorice in favor of the trail mix she brought from home, and reads Sci-Fi novels during her free time instead of playing cards and saran wrapping the toilet seats.  It's the laziest award I've ever received and that's coming from someone who got a green participation ribbon at her 4th grade track meet. 

But I'm evolved now.  Somehow blogging about mediocrity makes me feel more powerful, which is why I can share the following story with pride.  About a month ago I was asked to take over the teaching of a Sunday School class full of 9 and 10-year-olds at church.  I said yes, despite knowing that their previous teacher was a stellar overachiever who pored over her lessons for hours and then brought treats to the class in the form of chocolate covered cake balls on a stick.  She was awesome, and the kids LOVED her.  I showed up on week one with an object lesson and a few Skittles and thought I nailed it - the next week I got this note from one of my new students:


 I think I'm going to frame it.

17 comments:

Steph @ Diapers and Divinity said...

That's awesome. 2nd best is definitely better than last place. It's all semantics.

Heather said...

2nd is pretty dang awesome. You're #2 in my book too!

Suburban Correspondent said...

I think those of us who lower the performance bar for just about everything are not appreciated nearly enough by all those people we make look so good.

Julie said...

Just remember the sing-song chant, "First is the worst. Second is the best." :)

Carly said...

HAHAHA. That is fantastic. Remember, you are definitely not mediocre at writing and being hilarious. You are numero UNO at those things.

Mortensen Baby Farm said...

My side hurts from laughing! Oh man....

First off you are far from mediocre my friend! If anyone has ever had your special waffles they would not think you are mediocre. Or the fact that you can make people laugh daily with your blog and anyone...I mean ANYONE with a talking car is the furthest from mediocre!

Second...I made a cross-stitch project for science class in the shape of a tongue in 6th grade. Totally thought I was da bomb! Made the pattern up and everything! Turned out more like a whale - but who really cares. Oh right...my teacher. Went from hopes of an A+ plus to a C. Dude...I cross-stitched a tongue...you ain't EVER gonna see that again.

p.s. love ya!

Garden of Egan said...

Oh my heck!!! That is the best note I have ever seen. I love it.
Kiss that kid for me will ya? Totally honesty. Probably was told since Sunbeams how the awesome teacher was all this that and everything. Skittles! YOU ARE THE BEST.

So my question is where to the people below mediocracy and honorable mention go? Really.
That's the table I'm looking for.

What's with the rude foreign exchange student? Was there someone there that burped better?

Garden of Egan said...

Oh! I thought of something else that you rock in the mediocrity department....(I'm an awesome friend like that!)
Are you pregnant with your 20th?
Well then, there ya go.
Add THAT to the list!

ganelle said...

Wow! Object lessons. I used to do those...

Kelly said...

Wow that is an awesome honest note isn't it? I totally relate to your mediocrity. Can we form a club and serve water and broken gram crackers?

Lisa said...

I'll be the voice of reason. Second is silver. SILVER, WOMAN! You should be able to tell, by all of the young turks sporting wedding rings over the past 15 or so years, that GOLD IS SOOOOO OVER. Silver is the rage. Until probably next year, when there's a style do-over. But until then, SILVER IS THE METAL OF CHOICE, thus meaning VERN is the best of all the game. You're welcome. :)

Bakeshow said...

Is it counterproductive to chant "I'm more mediocre than yoooou are"?

Jill said...

I bet you are so much better than her and making Bundt cakes.

anitamombanita said...

haha...you are so silly! But before you go taking your pride on mediocrity over the top, I just have to say that no-one, no NO-ONE in the great blogosphere makes me laugh like you do.

And I won't tarnish your reputation by telling folks that you are K.I.L.L.E.R. on the Scrabble board, either. No, I won't. ;)

Ria's Random Thoughts said...

That's why I love you. We are kindred spirits.

Paige said...

Ouch. Thanks, kid.

Lorie said...

Ouch! Might need that band-aid cake to mend your broken heart! :)