Thursday, June 3, 2010

This is my surprised face.

I am surprised that I didn't break down and pour myself a stiff drink today. 
I am surprised that I spent about 78 hours in my car.
I am surprised that I had sushi for the first time in my life this week, and ate something called "Monkey Brain" and LOVED. IT.
I am surprised at what a sore loser I am.  (Hello Monopoly Card Game.  Hello Husband who beat me in what was supposed to be a friendly, bonding experience.  Hello Devil, who possessed my body as Cory slowly ran me out of properties/money and threw me into such a tizzy that I had to go outside and "walk it off".  Hello TWO MILES before I was calm enough to return home.  Hello.)  Honestly, what is my problem?
I am surprised that despite my being a sore loser, we will say hello to 17 years of marriage on Saturday.  Not sure what keeps him around.  (Must be my awesome rack.)
I am surprised that no matter how hard American airports try, when they put up a sign over their moving walkway like THIS:

that everyone will still stand in the middle, crowd both sides of the path and stare straight ahead as if to say, "Sign?  What sign?  I don't see any sign." while a soothing voice overhead repeats the very words, "Please walk on the left and stand to the right."  In my opinion, that voice is too soothing and that's why people don't pay attention.  We need James Earl Jones over the PA System saying, "Move It Or Lose It.  That's right cowboy, I'm talking to YOU."  Even if I wasn't a cowboy, I think I'd listen to him.
I am surprised that I saw Kate Gosselin smiling (smiling!) on a magazine cover advertising her new season on TLC.  In this case, I think "TLC" might stand for "Totally Lame Chick".
I am surprised how stupid I am sometimes.  Like how I confessed to a group of church members that I had looked up some of my old boyfriends on facebook during a lesson in which our pastor was cautioning against the dangers of social media.  Oh, and did you hear the one about the Primary President who got caught at church with a shot of whiskey in her purse?  True story.  I'll tell you about it sometime.
I am surprised that people pay more for organic fruits and vegetables. 
I am surprised that Justin Bieber is famous.
I am surprised that you are still reading this.


rocslinger said...

I am surprised that I get to be the first to comment.

I am surprised that your surprised that so many of us are hooked on your blog. It's kind of like watching a cheesy romance story while riding a train that,s barreling down a steep mountain pass soon to be scattered over several miles. Riveting to say the least.

I am surprised that I have the honor of calling you and your family friends (or family depending on the venue).

What I am not surprised about is that you write a post that makes me laugh but somehow has things in it I can relate to. If I were you I'd be worried that a psychopath like me can relate to you. "Strange and curious people" indeed.

I am also not surprised that I am begining to ramble, sorry.

Kelly said...


Ashly said...

hilarious. but in the Primary President's defense...have you ever *been* a Primary President??? just sayin'.... ;)

Amy said...

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one....I double checked your surprise face to see if you really have an awesome rack. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to trust you.

PS Do you think they could also get James Earl Jones to announce the next flights? I just think it would be so much more clear if someone cool were saying it.

just call me jo said...

Isn't surprise a great place! (See the funny part is that I live in Surprise, Arizona...ha,ha,ha!) My grandkids call it "Surprise Party." Love your list. Yes, I too looked at the picture to witness the rack. You must post a pic some time.

just call me jo said...

Oh, and I have to say that were I a Primary President I'd be FORCED to drink. Ugh! All those squirming children...And don't get me started on Justin Bieber...gagging!

Chelsea B. said...

I myself am quite surprised at Justin Bieber. My Mia Maids are in love with him and I confess I like one of his songs, but is he really that cute?

Mom of Three said...

I'm surprised at how funny this blog post is...just kiddin'!

Rachey said...

Monopoly is a dangerous game for married couples, Ryan refuses to play it with me ever since an "incident" with that game while we were dating.

Randi said...

Hey,, your surprised face is looking quite thin. Just thought you'd like to know that.

I think that sometimes the most dangerous thing about social media, is talking about social media.

Anonymous said...

Okay this post made me laugh, it was awesome. Although I do want to know about this Primary President. I've heard of some "interesting" (aka Mormon Myths) stories but this one sounds like it would be exceptionally good. I don't like playing Monopoly with friends (okay they were friends when we started not necessarily when we finished). I have to win and I hate losing.

Robin said...

And I am NOT surprised that you just brightened my day. Thanks! I really needed it. :)

ganelle said...

Two miles huh? I'm thinking playing cards with Cory should become part of your regular exercise routine. Think of all that calorie-burning adrenaline does.

Emily said...

I'm surprised that you're surprised that we're still reading. You are NOT surprised at how funny you are, so of course we're still reading.

And I looked up my old boyfriends too. They're not on (or their names are too common).

Kerri said...

I'm surprised no one thinks that Primary President with the whiskey in her purse was you. You're such an edge-walker.

I think it's hilarious that you have people wondering about your rack now, too.

Oh, and remind me to never play any board or card games with you unless I plan to let you win.....
(whispering: the word is menopause - play it for all it's worth).

Jill said...

I am so happy you finally sucked it up and tried sushi. Again, I wish I could post pictures on the comment section.