Did you know that I am super organized and awesome? I know this because I have been to the post office three times in the last four days, and that takes a serious amount of planning and skill. You start with an idea in October, good intentions in November, the right addresses in December and before you know it you’re standing in line behind Michael Jackson’s funeral procession. Three times.
The other thing I’m super awesome at is knowing JUST the right time to beat the crowds. Unfortunately I didn’t pick any of those times which means whoever said “Knowledge Is Power” is smoking crack. I say power is showing up at 11am when no one is in line and they are handing out free hot chocolate. Do you know of any places like that? Me neither. What I do know is that the guy working register 2 at my mall should stick with his day job and forego singing along to “Let’s Hear It For The Boy” while readying his cargo with more packing tape.
I also know that I don’t miss having to take small children to the post office. The lady behind me walked in with two small boys. “Come here honey, which envelope should we use to mail your binkys to the new babies in the hospital?” I turned around and inquired in a low voice, “Is this some new strategy I haven’t read about?” She answered back in hushed tones, “He’s 3 years old. It’s time. We’re actually mailing them to my parents but I told him they’re going to some new babies in a hospital to make him feel better. Let’s just say tonight is probably going to be a bad night.” I acted supportive and wished her good luck but what I was really thinking was, This couldn’t wait until AFTER Santa comes and the lines at the post office don't exceed the city block? Whatever, I’m sure she had her reasons. And I’m sure her kid had his reasons for overturning the sale rack of greeting cards that sent envelopes and well wishes across the floor.
What I’m saying is there are advantages to making multiple trips to the post office. If not for my three visits I wouldn’t have met the lady behind me who held a stack of cards and berated procrastinators for waiting until the last minute to mail their packages as I stood there like the Cat In The Hat holding a teetering stack of
and a cake
these two books
and a rake
a toy ship
a toy man
and look! A red fan!”
I never would have had the opportunity to watch a lady in front of me who was wearing enough make up to paint a Renoir, a faux leopard coat and heels that could hold up the Golden Gate Bridge pack and address all of her boxes AT THE COUNTER while we all waited patiently in line and sang Silent Night. (not) I wouldn’t have had the chance to watch the scores of individuals rush up to open the store door only to witness their obstacle, roll their eyes and turn around to leave. I wouldn't have learned that it costs $25 to mail ten homemade caramels to a 19-year-old boy spreading the gospel in Brazil (but he's so worth it). And last but not least, I never would have heard the aforementioned cashier sing along to the Footloose soundtrack that played overhead which was critical, because Christmas just wouldn’t be the same without that.