The purpose of this post is not to boast statistics about how I got up at 5:45 am and used 3 different shovels to remove 6 inches of snow from our 3-car width driveway in 5 degree weather. No. The purpose of this post is to highlight my blatant disregard for songs like "Count Your Blessings" and complain about said experience.
For starters, it should have been a snow day. We should all still be in bed, and I should be getting up in about another hour to make pancakes and hot chocolate and watch Netflix. Instead, I was up at the butt crack of dawn trying to clear a path so my husband could go to that place where he does stuff that allows us to eat at Costa Vida every once in a while and leave our heat on after dark. Don't rag on him for not helping me - he takes Samantha to Bible Study every morning at 6am and sometimes does the dishes while I watch TV so he pulls his weight. Also, you can bounce a quarter off his butt when he flexes. Bonus!
In addition, we here at Casa de Vern have made some calculated decisions about snow related purchases. Calculations like, "That 4-wheel drive car is HOW much? And gets HOW many miles to the gallon?" and, "Snowblower = $300 - OR - Child Labor = FREE." But see, I couldn't solicit the child labor today because THEY WERE GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL. BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A SNOW DAY.
Something else that the powers that be at the school district probably didn't know when they decided not to declare a snow day is that right there, up in this window, is a young girl on the verge of a category 5 meltdown.
The girl up in that window wants to know why God loves the children in Africa more than her, because she is facing her first week of Finals that actually matter and feels unprepared. She was banking on a snow day, and without it I am banking on a looooong week.
Finally, I would very much like to know why I have THREE snow shovels and all of them suck.
The one on the left is what the kids use when they are helping. It works pretty well, and if it weren't for the fact that my driveway is bigger than Barbie's helicopter pad I would have considered it but I needed something more. The one on the right is ergonomically designed, and if by "ergonomic" they mean "this sucks" then I suppose it's true. Which left me with the one in the middle. What do you think, is it supposed to do this?
Not only did the handle fly off every bloody time I exerted more effort, but about 3 inches of snow was perpetually stuck to the shovel. There are some who swear by using non-stick spray on their shovels before getting down to business, but it didn't work for me.
Although they were right about the swearing part.