Thursday, February 24, 2011

Assembly Required

A few random things to share with you.  First up, a quote from Drew yesterday:  "Wouldn't it be weird if your name was 'Green' and people called you 'Blue' just to be annoying?"  Because it's not weird enough that your name is 'Green'?

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In case you didn't notice, I have a new button on my sidebar for Amy and Paul who are trying to adopt a child.  I've never met Amy and Paul but I understand they would make awesome parents.  It must be true because they took a self portrait with an amusement park in the background as if to say, "We're FUN!  We believe in COTTON CANDY!"  And we need more adoptive parents who believe in cotton candy because healthy marketing strategies are on the rise and it's time to take a stand.  I mean, oatmeal at McDonalds?  I bet the same people who order oatmeal at Mickey D's get the lemon sorbet at Baskin Robbins.  Please.  Although I bet Amy and Paul are totally into nutrition too, because they don't look irresponsible.  I bet they strike the perfect balance and would expect their kids to eat all their chicken nuggets before getting dessert.

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I've been working on decorating Drew's room.  I found a great end table at Wal Mart but the packaging posted the dreaded words, "Assembly Required."  Remember how I'm really good at decoding?  Well, for all you rookies out there let me explain that "Assembly Required" can mean any of the following:

1)  "This kit most likely has missing parts"
2)  "You probably don't have all the right tools"
3)  "This weighs a ton, and feels even heavier when you have to return it"
4)  "Kids, please don't repeat any of the words Mama says while she is trying to put this &*%^! thing together"

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Here's an awkward situation.  My friend had to make the following phone call to Poison Control today.
"Um, hi.  My daughter just mixed a bunch of medication into a glass of milk and I'm afraid she may have drunk some of it.  Is this poisonous?"
"What kind of medicine ma'am?"
"Ma'am" replies she is taking a healthy dose of STD medication, and Poison Control Lady starts to giggle.
"IT'S FOR COLD SORES!" my friend explained.
"So, you're NOT dating Charlie Sheen then?"
"It's okay ma'am, it's not poisonous."  But you understand if I don't allow my kids to play at your house anymore.

10 comments:

Garden of Egan said...

Totally a random off the wall post.
LOVE IT!

I get Drew.
I would be irritated if I were called blue.
Really who wouldn't be.

Really glad you decided not to let your child play with the neighbor who called poison control.
Not because they are totally NOT watching the child and letting her mix meds into her milk instead of chocolate, but simply because they weren't sure if they had STD's or not?
Too funny!

I'm totally looking forward to another bizzare post from you tomorrow.

Don't let me down.

April and Michael Maughan said...

I hope he remembers that insight when he meets an April and never calls her every other month of the year.

Not that I have any experience with that :P

Jill said...

I also "Believe in Cotton Candy" I also believe Child Services should be called on your crazy friend.

Bakeshow said...

Thanks for posting it!

P.S. - We were asked about where we were when we took the photo that we have used for our blog button and pass-along cards. It is in central Anatolia in the part of Turkey that is on the Asian continent. Amazingly, people live in those natural rock formations and have lived there for hundreds of years. It is called Cappadocia (pronounced cap-uh-doke-ee-uh). (That's from their blog- but it *does* look like a theme park :-D)

Lisa said...

First off~cotton candy believers make the BEST adoptive parents. My hair resembles cotton candy, but isn't pink. Next, my husband has a man cold, which came with an accompanying cold sore. BLESS HIS WHINY HEART. I have to check it every day for him, as it oozes and goos. For better or for worse, right?

Vern said...

Bakeshow: I had a feeling I was going to get that wrong! My apologies - it looks straight out of the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland. Still, they have cotton candy in Turkey, no?

Kristina P. said...

We measure jobs in swear words here. Anything from Ikea usually requires at least 16.7 swear words. Walmart, 40.9.

Mom of Three said...

So in response to Drew, yes, it is annoying if your name is Green to be called Blue...thus my high school adventure!

Helen said...

love that you are promoting adoption! and love that I found your blog. I used to follow Light Refreshments Served, hence the missing you :).

Lorie said...

That's why I love IKEA. Only pictures.... no words at all... and I can actually put things together WITHOUT a college degree! Imagine that! :)