The other night Cory came home talking about some people at work and what they have committed to giving up for Lent. Lent started this year on February 17th (Ash Wednesday), goes until Easter, and excludes Sundays, totaling 40 days of observance. It begs the question, what would you be willing to give up for 40 days? Lent isn’t something that my religion practices, but I’d like to think if we did observe it I would be really brave about it. I hear a lot about people giving up chocolate during Lent. I don’t think I would do that for a couple of reasons. One, it’s too cliché and I think I’d want to appear holier than everyone else by doing something that nobody else was doing and prove that I was really thinking outside the box. Also, chocolate is too much a part of me. Would you ask Tim McGraw to give up his cowboy hat? Or tell Bono to lose the sunglasses? Or ask Snooki to remove her Bump-It? I DON’T THINK SO. And don’t try to tell me that there’s a difference between the vice of chocolate and wearing a simple pair of sunglasses – we all know Bono is hiding something. At any rate, as I thought about what I COULD do if I was a Lent observing Christian and wanted to show my commitment, I found that most things fell into one of two categories: Stuff I would never give up, and Stuff I could EASILY give up.
STUFF I WOULD NEVER GIVE UP – Toilet paper and chap stick. That’s pretty much it. Incidentally, this is also the reason I have never applied for Survivor.
STUFF I COULD EASILY GIVE UP:
1. Museums. I want to say that I love them because I think it would make me sound smarter, but I just don’t have it in me. The only thing that’s probably more boring than going to a museum is thinking about going to a museum. If someone asks, "I'm thinking about going to a museum, wanna come?" what I hear is, "I'm thinking about reading all of the encyclopedias on microbiology while listening to Enya, wanna come?" The only thing worse than that was when my best friend’s Dad used to say to me when we were little, “Hey Vern, come here! I wanna show you these slides from our trip!”
2. Fish. I really want to like fish, what with all the chatter that goes around about how good it is for you. Protein! Omega 3 fatty acids! Can we digress here for a second to talk about the “fatty acids”? I don’t even really know what they are, but could there be a worse thing to call something that is actually GOOD for you? That’s like calling someone a HUGE PIG and being like, “No REALLY! It’s a COMPLIMENT!” Fatty acids. Is that like getting on a roller coaster called “THE SUICIDE BOMBER” and having people try to assure you, “It’s kinda crazy at first, but once you get on you’ll be like, ‘Oh my gosh! I’ve never had more fun in my life!’” Where was I? Oh yeah, I don’t like fish.
3. Submarine travel. I know it sounds nutty, but I think I could live without it - and not even just for the 40 days.
4. Giving up on the idea that I will ever be able to fit in my wedding dress ever again. I might even have a head start on this one, because I sort of gave up on this idea ever since my goal weight became the same as what I weighed at 6 months gestation with my pregnancies.
I’m pretty sure I’ve missed the whole message and intention of what Lent is really about, but still. I think I make some pretty good points.